Every love needs to be expressed attentively, and every thought is worth listening to.
Qian Zhongshu wrote a sentence in besieged Fortress:
"Marriage is like a besieged city. People outside want to go in, people inside want to get out."
since then, this sentence has been regarded as a "marriage motto".
Today, decades later, marriage still seems to have not changed-people in the besieged city fall in love, remain silent, and finally part.
A group of divorce survey data show that
the primary cause of divorce is "emotional discord", accounting for 77.51%, while the main cause of emotional discord is the bad mood caused by trivial life.
how many marriages have been ruined by those bad emotions.
emotion is the "demon mirror" of marriage
there is a saying:
"emotion is the mirror of marriage."
this sentence is really penetrating.
if the emotions of two people are positive, it proves that the emotional concentration of husband and wife is very high;
if the mood has been negative, then the relationship may have rift and need to be repaired.
in an intimate relationship, a good mood can not only save a sick marriage, but also heal a sick body.
there is an old man named Bresnan in the United States. the 74-year-old Bresnan has been married with his wife for 40 years.
in these 40 years, they have almost never quarreled, and their feelings are sweeter every day.
the old man said that he had a unique way to resolve most of the conflicts in his marriage-writing a love letter every day.
in these love letters, the old man tells of his love, gently analyzes the disputes between the two people, and counts the feelings brought to him by his lover, which is very romantic.
and the wife especially cherishes this thought. she collects every love letter from her husband, arranging it in chronological order, and there are 25 cases.
in their world, there are no delayed emotions, no overnight conflicts, only timely communication.
in his old age, the old man unfortunately suffered from cancer. On the sickbed, he said to his wife, "Sorry, I have cancer."
two people love each other, emotional pleasure, and even bring a pleasant surprise for the recovery of the elderly.
in fact, 70% of marital problems are emotional.
the old man's practice is only to give priority to pacifying his wife's emotions, so that there will never be any estrangement between the two.
psychologist Wu Zhihong once said, "if there is no response, home is desperate."
every emotion needs to be answered, and every emotion needs to be soothed.
there is a saying in psychology:
"all bad emotions come from self-depletion. When a bad mood occurs, it is self-depletion that sends out a signal for help, prompting us to regulate our emotions."
everyone who has an unhappy marriage is consumed too much energy. in fact, this consumption often comes from that bad mood.
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your emotions hide the truest appearance of your marriage.
A bad mood can ruin a marriage
"the family is the smallest social unit. After the door creaks shut, how people treat each other here more or less determines the basic face of a society."
home, provides a person with the largest sense of security, after closing the door, all the true emotions will be released.
there is no guarantee that two people who are in close contact will not have friction and unhappiness because of chicken feathers in the same place.
at the end of 1979, a famous actress fell in love with a talented male writer.
the two got married in a hurry a few months later, and the story of their marriage was handed down all over the city.
but the marriage ended after only three months.
the reason for divorce is that the writer is grumpy and often tells his wife what to do:
when his wife goes out for a run, he asks her if she is going out to have a private meeting with other men.
he flew into a rage when his wife walked around the house barefoot;
when his wife forgot to thaw the ribs before making soup, he satirized her that she had "really no common sense"....
in the end, it was unbearable, the former beauty ceased to exist, and the two even had no contact with each other.
can a man get rid of his bad mood before entering the house, which determines whether the marriage can last long?
whether a woman can hold back the most hurtful words in a heated argument also reflects the level of EQ.
there is a question on Zhihu:
"Why do we always be polite to strangers and lose our temper with our dearest?"
one answer got the highest praise: "because people are all unscrupulous, in fact, is a very smart wayward."
because he was convinced that he would not leave, he was treated at will;
because the other person is the closest person, it is natural to accept their own "emotional garbage".
the effect of bad mood on marriage is fatal. The stronger the love, the deeper the pain.
there is a famous "cat kicking effect" in psychology:
A father got angry at work and came home and scolded his child.
after being reprimanded, the child was aggrieved and kicked the cat lying beside him.
so the cat escaped out the window, and the passing truck accidentally bumped into it in order to avoid it.The kids on the side of the road.
the bad mood inside the door overflowed to the outside door, while the bad mood inside the small house radiated to the outside world.
people often think hard about how to deal with interpersonal relationships, but forget that the most basic interpersonal relationship is actually "family".
A good marriage will never let two people become emotional slaves, but more self-consciousness of restraining temper and tacit understanding of heart-to-heart connection.
as Annie Baby said in the Spring Banquet:
"Advanced emotions eventually form spirit and consciousness;
low-level feelings can only be reduced to temper and emotion. "
there are no two perfectly suitable people in the world
there is a sentence in a Reality Show that says:
"there must be no two completely suitable people in the world. If you meet someone whose appearance, personality, interests or family circumstances all match you perfectly, it must be a lie."
the more you meet such people, the more cautious you will be. "
because there are no two perfectly suitable people in the world, perfection often means false, and imperfection is true.
anyone, in marriage, must learn the word "patience".
the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates has such an anecdote.
he has a very fierce wife who keeps nagging about one thing and often embarrasses him in front of people.
but he smiles every time, says nothing, and never argues with his wife.
his friend asked him:
"since your wife always embarrasses you in front of people like this, have you ever thought about what the purpose of your marriage is?"
"A man who marries a good wife will become very happy; a man who marries a 'bad' wife will become a philosopher. The meaning of this can only be realized by himself."
A simple sentence actually hides his wisdom in marriage:
No one in the world is born right, and compromise is the longevity key of marriage without touching the bottom line.
there is a sentence in lost Lovers: "Marriage is about compromise and hard work. Please don't take any chances if you enter this door."
in fact, all people's negative emotions come from lack of cognition.
when you see the hearts of people and understand human nature, you will not have unrealistic fantasies and expectations of others.
Don't ask anyone to be perfect. The right solution is to worry less, look back less and look forward more.
it may be instinctive to be picky about people close to you, but marriage is a process of overcoming instinct.
sometimes it is precisely necessary to overcome the weaknesses of human nature in order to retain happiness.
A really long marriage,
is to take care of each other's emotions
William Bernard said in the Harvard Family motto:
"Don't think that people close to you won't mind hurting. Those injuries are like nails hammered into a fence, leaving eternal marks."
A long-term marriage is inseparable from patience and introspection.
Life is short, the more intimate people are, the more gentle they are to each other, so that they can taste double sweetness in the original bitter life.
every love needs to be expressed attentively, and everything is worth listening to.
taking good care of each other's emotions is the most important secret in marriage, and every word of concern of a lover is the most expensive gift in the world.
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