Growing up is actually a process of getting farther and farther away from your parents.
there is a "do not live with parents" group on Douban, and many people share the trouble of living with their parents:
because of the generation gap, a little friction is the trigger for quarrels, and it's really tiring to live with your parents.
living with my parents is convenient, but I feel that I have no room to grow up.
parents like to control themselves, living together is really depressing, there is no freedom;
I think of a saying that a tree will be divided, but a son will be separated.
psychologist Wu Zhihong also said:
"Separation is an eternal theme. The original family is created by parents, and children naturally have the motivation to leave the origin and create their own world. "
in adulthood, the best way to get along with parents is that parents have a world of parents and children have a life of children.
separated from the original family
to be truly independent
I saw such a story in the program "Gold Mediation":
after graduating from college, my daughter said she wanted to take the postgraduate entrance examination and went back home to live with her parents.
parents are very supportive of their daughter's progress and take good care of her diet and daily life. They just want her to concentrate on review.
three years later, she still did not pass the postgraduate entrance examination. instead, she developed the bad habit of being gluttonous and lazy and relying on her parents for everything.
watching her daughter stay at home all day, the parents worried that she would be out of touch with society, so they advised her to go out and find a job first.
the daughter was unwilling and even forced her parents to continue to support herself by drinking pesticides. Helpless parents had to go to the show to ask for help.
this reminds my uncle of a new word that was popular some time ago: a new type of gnawing on the old.
grown-up children hold their parents' love for their children and use honorable reasons such as "taking the postgraduate entrance examination", "taking the public entrance examination", "starting a business" and so on.
they enjoy the care of their parents, but do not make corresponding efforts, cutting off the road to self-improvement.
they cannot bear the hardships of life, still less can they resist the pressure of society. They just want to lie flat behind their parents.
hiding in the harbor will certainly have sense of security, but over time, we will unconsciously rely on our parents, become lazy, evasive, decadent, and even lose the ability to take care of ourselves.
at this time, home is not a harbor, but a cage that traps our steps.
psychologist Freud said: "the main motivation for growth comes from separation from parents."
A person's real growth begins when he leaves his parents.
Exhausted of searching for an outstanding how to describe a wedding dress in a story? Pefect for formal affairs or an informal ceremonies.
go out of your parents' home, see the wider world, and touch the truth of life.
separated from your native family, you will find yourself growing by leaps and bounds.
because there are more opportunities to practice survival skills in firewood, rice, oil and salt, and cultivate the ability to be independent in solving problems on your own.
draw a clear line with parents' lives and clarify their respective life topics, so that they can learn to be independent and calmly cope with the ups and downs on the road of life.
live farther away
return the home of life to parents
sometimes what makes children helpless is that it is not that children are unwilling to leave the nest, but that parents are unwilling to quit their children's lives.
they like to take control of their children's lives, and this sense of control gives them a sense of achievement while ignoring the needs of their children's growth.
A netizen shared his story of getting rid of his parents' desire for control on a social platform:
when he lives at home, his mother likes to take care of when to take a bath, when to drink water and what kind of clothes he wears.
this kind of life makes him feel suffocated.
after much thought, he had a calm conversation with his mother.
he seriously told his mother that he was already an adult, had a strong ability to take care of himself, and had a clear plan for future development.
although my mother didn't like it, she could do nothing about it.
she went to her son's house every three days to help with the housework, but every time she opened the door, she found that her son had kept the house organized.
the mother finally realized that the childish child was already an adult on her own, and she let go of her worries.
and her son often shares the joys and sorrows of life with her, and he will take the initiative to ask for help when he encounters difficulties, making her feel involved and needed.
slowly, she took back the heart that had been tied to her son and paid more attention to herself, traveling, taking pictures, and enjoying the long-lost world between her and her.
most of the time, parents' desire for control is out of worry and love instinct.
Let parents see their independence, and even if they don't live together, they have to send a "needed" signal to their parents from time to time so that they can let go of their desire for control.
parents spend the first half of their lives working for their children, and they should enjoy their twilight years in the way they like for the rest of their lives, instead of being tied up by their children's trifles to measure the pace of their lives.
stay away from your parents, live your own life, and help them extricate themselves from control and bottomless indulgence.
Let parents worry less, liberate them from the state of selfless dedication, and have more time and energy to dance, exercise, read, grow flowers and make new friends.
the greatest filial piety in lifeShun is not to face her parents day and night, but to return the home of life to her parents, leaving them free to find the fun of life and manage their old age well.
keep an appropriate distance
the relationship will be closer on the contrary
only when people keep their boundaries and keep a certain distance can they be safe.
this is especially true when we get along with our parents, because we are more likely to be unscrupulous because of our blood ties. Accidentally lost his sense of propriety and hurt his feelings.
I think of a friend who, greedy for the convenience of life, brought his parents to live together.
I thought I could enjoy the happiness of my family, but there has been a lot of smoke in the house since my parents came.
the schedule of the two generations is different. Friends are used to staying up late and getting up late, and their parents get up at six o'clock to wash, make breakfast and go out for morning exercises.
parents accuse friends of messy work and rest, while friends complain that their parents disturb people's dreams early in the morning.
parents are always reluctant to pour out leftovers, and friends naturally don't like this kind of unhealthy economy.
differences in educational ideas and living habits are doomed to be incompatible with each other, and there will be more and more quarrels.
after a long time, parents feel aggrieved and sad, and friends add to the traffic jam.
later he lived apart from his parents.
when they are not together, the two sides care about each other, keep in touch with each other by phone and video every day, and run to their parents' home after a long holiday. On the contrary, the relationship is more harmonious than when they live together.
Old Mr. Wang Zengqi said in "plants and trees in the World" that gardenia is so fragrant that the fragrance is a little unbearable, and his hometown is called "nose-bumping fragrance."
A flower with just the right fragrance makes people feel happy, but more than a certain concentration makes people uncomfortable.
too close distance, mutual interference, violation of each other's psychological boundaries, always make people feel breathless.
space is a little farther, the distance of the heart will be closer.
instead of consuming affection in trifles, it is better to live separately and go home often when you are free.
A long flow of water makes the relationship more intimate.
there is a saying: "all love in the world points to reunion, only parents' love for their children leads to separation."
from separation from mother's body, to separation from mother's psychology, and then to separation from home, separation is a compulsory subject for us all our lives.
when parents still have time to spare, they should complete their separation from home earlier, manage each other's lives well, and maintain high-quality companionship.
live apart from your parents, get rid of dependence in order to live a beautiful life, jump out of the comfort zone, you will meet more independent yourself.
stay a little farther away, let parents control the home court of their own life, open a different sunset, and have no worries in their old age.
keep a proper distance, comfortable and dignified, blank and not estranged, the relationship can be more harmonious and sweet.
May both parents and children live their own wonderful lives.