Rewards are not a way to raise children once and for all!
parents take great pains, but their children's grades do not improve.
at the beginning, the effect of this reward system is also very obvious.
Chenma feels that the reward method is indeed a" simple and rude "and effective education method, which represents parents' affirmation and encouragement of their children's positive behavior.
over time, children will in turn use rewards to "blackmail" their parents.
teacher Yin Jianli once said:
she wants her child to see learning as a pure thing that she is willing to perform from the bottom of her heart, rather than being connected to some trivial "reward".
Why is it that the more rewarded you are, the more lazy the child is?
psychologist Dr. Lepa selected some children who love to draw and divided them into two groups.
he said to the children in the first group:
to the second group:
" the teacher likes watching you draw and hopes you can draw better works. "
the children cheerfully picked up their brushes and began to create. The first group was rewarded and the second group received comments from Leipa.
after three weeks, Lepa found that the first group of children's interest in painting decreased significantly, and many people did not even want to try to create again.
while the children in the second group are still interested and love painting as much as before.
later, Dr. Lepa demonstrated the experiment in different countries and regions for many times, and the results were more or less the same.
pedagogically, people's motivation to do things is divided into internal motivation and external motivation.
Internal motivation is the confidence and enthusiasm that people can do something well from the heart, reflecting our sense of self-efficacy, curiosity and driving force to do something well.
Children realize the importance of learning from the bottom of their hearts and are willing to do things well, which belongs to internal motivation and is the perfect realm we pursue.
external motivation is the motivation caused by external stimulation, which often needs encouragement, encouragement and reward to maintain.
remember that classic story?
an old man couldn't stand the bear kids kicking cans under his window every day, so he thought of a way to tell the children that if he kicked the cans for a day, he would get a reward of ten dollars.
the children are so happy that they play very hard every day. After three days, the old man told them:
the children are very unhappy and gradually don't work too hard. A few days later, the old man pretended to be worried:
"one dollar?" One child shouted, "for one dollar, you want us to work so hard for you every day?" Quit! "
since then, the bear has never appeared in front of the elderly.
for a long time, the child will regard the reward as the goal.
regard the responsibilities and obligations of studying and doing housework as a means to achieve rewards, thus hindering the formation of good behavior habits.
what's more, excessive rewards will make children's material desires expand indefinitely. An educator said:
if parents use reward as the only means to spur their children, their appetite will rise, become more utilitarian, and even break out irreconcilable family conflicts!
how to reward children for being the most scientific? Do these things!
it is not advisable to urge children to make progress, but we don't have to "kill them all".
reward is a double-edged sword, and if it is well used, it will naturally have a positive effect:
now it's cold and my baby doesn't want to go to school. As soon as I'm in a hurry, I say, if you get up right away, your mother will buy you a McDonald's today.
later on, the more I thought about it, the more I felt that my method was wrong, so I called my baby to me in the evening and said:
he bowed his head and said, I'm sorry, Mom, I shouldn't have done this today.
Mom will deduct today's McDonald's money from your pocket money next month as punishment.
unexpectedly, the baby really said yes and expressed her determination to me: mom, I will never be like this again!
2. The spiritual reward is better than the material reward
Primary school teachers in some countries in Europe and the United States adopt many rich ways of spiritual reward, such as
teacher calls parents for praise. -- share the joy of progress and achievement with parents
stand at the front of the queue. -- enjoy the glory gained through individual efforts
reduce the amount of homework -- enjoy the special rights acquired as a result of individual efforts
pick lunch music and let students bring tapes or CD from home. -- enjoy the pleasure of making your own choices
bring the class tape recorder home for one night;-- enjoy the privileges gained as a result of personal effort
Chenmum appreciates this reward method, which reflects more of the child's sense of responsibility, honor and achievement.
compared to toys that are hot for three minutes and snacks that have nothing to eat, Chenma feels that if she can give her children some special spiritual rewards, they will feel more impressed and have more sense of trust and dependence on their parents.
3. Instead of encouraging results, it is better to encourage the process
We often say reward you as much as you get in the final exam.
but seldom tell children how to achieve this goal.
if the child works hard but does not achieve the preset goal, will the child be discouraged if he is not given some encouragement?
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therefore, we might as well reward the child's hard work rather than the reward knot.As a result, in this way, we can more effectively stimulate children's motivation to learn, so that the role of reward can be really implemented.
Chenmum feels that instead of scolding her child and canceling the reward, she should do a summary and review with her child.
if the child has really tried his best to prepare for the exam carefully, he should also affirm the results of his review during this period of time.
you can halve the reward to appease your child's frustrated heart and let him feel gentle companionship and encouragement from his parents.
reward is not a permanent parenting strategy, but also requires our painstaking efforts to "prescribe the right medicine" according to the child's character and conduct, so as to help the child grow up better.
* Source: Mama Milan talks about ID:haomama23. Milan, a master of education and a stay-at-home mother of her second child, focuses on the character shaping and habit formation of children aged 3-12. Five minutes a day, Milan and you raise a child with high EQ and good habits!