It is good for people to give their own light when they are alive, and there is no need to force them to light a lamp for others.
not long ago, I reviewed the "wonderful work Shuo" and felt quite impressed by a paragraph said by Fu Seoul.
she said she was upset for a while because she always wanted others to act according to her own standards.
growing up is that you will eventually find that there are all kinds of people in the world, and everyone has their own way of living.
when you reach middle age, put away the ruler in your heart.
when a person begins to mature, he will no longer force himself to change others or judge himself by other people's standards.
put away the ruler of speculation:
you may not be able to understand other people's difficulties
many years ago, there was a massage parlor downstairs.
A single mother, with her 6-year-old daughter, is said to be from another country.
the woman is silent and resolute, welcoming her guests back and forth every day, silently greeting her guests.
the little girl, who doesn't talk much, always sits on the bench in front of the door and does her homework.
at first, people were very curious about the origin of the mother and daughter. After a long time, they began to talk about it.
it is said that this woman is unfaithful and abandoned by her husband. She also said that she opened such a shop and did not know what shady activities she was doing behind her back.
however, the truth is not what people speculate.
the woman's husband is an alcoholic, fighting or scolding mother and daughter, the woman can not stand, with the child left his hometown, came to this small town.
all she does in her massage parlor is to make a living by massage.
however, people only believe their own imaginations, regardless of the facts behind them.
I read a story on Zhihu.
there is a man who secretly puts on his high school uniform and pink hairpin in the toilet after work every day.
someone ran into him and called him a psychopath and a transvestite.
in fact, the truth is that the man's sister died in a car accident, and the stimulated mother suffered from amnesia. She only remembers what her sister looked like when she was in high school.
every day, men have to dress up as sisters and make video calls with their mothers to make their mothers happy.
there is a saying that you can never really know a person unless you walk around in his shoes.
put away the ruler of self-judgment, put away your pride and prejudice.
you may not know other people's difficulties, and you may not understand other people's tears.
if you are very happy and have never heard the cries of the world, at least don't judge or speculate on other people's lives.
as the line in Ode to Joy says, you can have different opinions, but you don't have the right to throw stones.
to yourself, this is self-cultivation; to others, this is compassion.
put away the ruler of comparison:
Life is your own and has nothing to do with others
I heard a story about a kingfisher before.
they are very petite, but the nests they build are dozens of times larger than themselves.
the reason is that if several kingfisher are put together, they will compete with each other and build bigger nests than other birds until they are exhausted.
isn't this the case with us in our lives?
We are always taking other people's rulers and measuring our own lives, but we ignore the happiness that is readily available around us.
the hit drama "come on!" In Mom, Qin Wei, played by land and sea, and her husband are college students coming out of the countryside. The family is short of resources and can only do things on their own.
the two went to work in the city and made a living by renting a house. they hung their daughter's hukou in the name of their relatives, and their children were able to attend the local Gold Kindergarten.
although life is strapped, the family leads a steady and happy life.
however, after getting acquainted with a group of rich wives, Qin Wei began to get out of balance.
other people drive luxury cars to pick up their children, and she also falsely claims that she has a CEO husband who starts a business and has a chauffeured car to pick up her children every day.
in order to buy a house in the school district, she completely ignored the family's financial situation and fell into a routine loan trap, which made the already less well-off families even worse.
Qin Wei did not realize that it was not easy for her and her husband to gain a foothold in a big city without resources or background.
if you take it one step at a time, the day will certainly improve.
it was her desire to keep up with the comparison that made her life fall into the abyss.
when people live to a certain age, they will gradually find that life is their own and has nothing to do with others.
to put away the ruler of comparison is to let go of yourself who is always chasing blindly.
as there is a saying:
"No matter how gorgeous other people's shoes are, they may not be appropriate to wear on their own feet; no matter how exquisite other people's bowls are, they may not be appropriate to carry them in their own hands."
always stand on tiptoe to reach, eventually will be disappointed, will be tired.
focusing on the present and keeping an eye on your own life is the most rare sobriety for middle-aged people.
put down the ruler of correction:
the true maturity is to respect other people's values
there is a "Thirteen invitations"Xu Zhiyuan asked Professor Liu Jing, how will your mind change when you get older?
the professor said:
"I used to think, ah, how could this person be like this? how could that person be like that? When I get older, I begin to feel that there are many ways in life, and we must be able to accept that other people have different values and the way of thinking derived from them. "
I once had a very close friend who came from a wealthy family and pursued poetry and distance all his life.
I was born poor. I live frugally every day. My greatest wish is to save money to buy a house.
whenever we meet, he will say that I am too secular and do not understand the true meaning of life.
but did he ever know what it was like to travel to several cities and move a dozen times? How does it feel to work overtime until midnight and come home to find your luggage left at the door by the landlord?
it's not necessarily my friend's fault, but we live a completely different life.
when people are young, they tend to see the world in a single way and always feel that everything they have is naturally correct.
only when you go through the peaks and troughs, will you know how to respect every kind of life from the bottom of your heart.
Sanmao spent his whole life, romantic and casual, drifting everywhere.
Cai Zhizhong, a good friend, is down-to-earth and calm, and likes to create behind closed doors.
the two have very different lifestyles, but they have never tried to get involved in and change each other's lives.
the two respect each other and seek common ground while reserving differences, and their friendship was once rumored as a good talk.
Fu Seoul once said that the progress of ideas is to respect everyone's value order and life choices.
to put aside the ruler of correction is to overcome your sense of superiority and put aside your desire to show off.
people live, as long as their own light, do not have to force to light for others.
people who are really mature will allow a hundred flowers to blossom and the grass to have its spring.
Russell once said, "Variety is the source of happiness."
in this world, there has never been a ruler that can measure everyone's lives.
the more things people experience in middle age, the less prejudices they have against the world.
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there are very few people who don't like it, but a lot of them can be understood.
, do not criticize others, do not force yourself, and live a more and more thorough life.