Love and rules, please give him together, do not leave him.
Source, Ten o'clock Reading
found that her mother had really "disappeared", the little girl was stunned for a moment and rushed out, shouting "Mom, Mom." While chasing crazily in the direction of her mother's departure, fear can be seen clearly on the little face of crying flowers.
looking at the little girl's staggering figure, the son said: "her mother doesn't want her."
every parent has been" blackmailed "by a child's crying.
in "Mom is Superman", Ma Yashu's parenting style has been questioned by netizens, saying that she "does not understand education, dotes on children".
daughter doesn't want to eat ice cream, she cries, gives it; refuses to sleep, kicks and beats her mother, cries, hugs; doesn't want to go to kindergarten, cries, and almost hugs her.
compromise and doting are likely to create wayward" bear children "or even" giant babies ".
do not want to be threatened by the child's crying, but can not compromise, can not beat and scold, so many mothers have adopted a seemingly effective method: ignore it and just walk away.
the baby is crying at home. Go away and ignore him. It will stop when you are tired.
the child is crying outside, go away, ignore him, and follow when you find that the adult is missing.
just like the little girl who asked for candy, her mother's disappearance made it too late for her to grab the candy she wanted.
this method of cold violence is as simple and direct as the hot "Cry Immunization" a few years ago.
but the psychological damage caused by crying immunity in recent years has been verified by more and more psychologists.
the most direct and powerful evidence is the author of the educational theoretical basis of "crying immunity"--
behaviorist expert Watson, under this indifferent parenting style, his eldest son committed suicide, the second daughter committed suicide many times, and the younger son has been wandering, scraping by on his handouts.
Children who are often caught in such uneasiness and fear always lack sense of security in their hearts.
once, I used the same method for my daughter.
from about the age of three or four, my daughter began to cry and went to the supermarket to buy all kinds of toys, even though there were already a lot of similar ones at home and I turned around and left.
font-size: 15px;\"> refused to sleep at night, so I put her out of the bedroom and I closed the door and went to bed myself.
every time I use this trick, my daughter will soon stop crying and cooperate obediently, even if she stops sobbing.
my daughter is becoming more and more sensible, and I am secretly happy.
it suddenly dawned on me that my rude and indifferent way of education has been hurting my daughter's little heart longing for love, making her so sensitive, fragile, cautious, lack of sense of security and sense of belonging.
in this battle of control and anti-control, parents love each other with love.As a weapon to make the child give up resistance, however, this is a kind of conditional love.
famous educator Yin Jianli said:
We all know that when children keep crying for some unreasonable needs, it is the best time for us to build a sense of rules for our children. However, the difficulty for parents is not to teach their children rules, but to give love and rules at the same time.
Professor Li Meijin said that for crying children, "four don't do only one thing":
Don't fight. It's unfair to bully the small with the big. Don't scold, it will give your child a bad demonstration.
font-size: 15px;\"> Don't go away, because walking away is solitary confinement, which is called punishment, not educational.
only one thing to do is to accompany him and tell him: this is not right, you can make a scene if you want. Wait until the child's mood has completely calmed down before communicating.
accompany but not compromise, let the child know that you love him, but the answer to his request is "no".
Jia Jingwen adopted this way of educating her daughter.
before going to bed, the baby refuses to sleep and clamors to eat apples. Jia Jingwen said "no" calmly, closed the door before she went out, and cried bitterly.
Jia Jingwen said to the teacher: " No, it's no use crying. " still does not open the door, and then stands quietly next to the teacher.
she cried for a while, then gradually quieted down, and Jia Jingwen picked her up and comforted her gently, so she quickly lay down on the bed and went to sleep.
gentle and firm positive discipline, so that although children are rejected, they can still feel connected and loved.
only unconditional and principled love is the psychological nutrition that children need most to grow up.
like a balloon floating around without a cable, you need to find a landing point. So through self-willed cheating again and again, to test and prove that they are loved.
at this time, a formula is automatically generated in the child's mind: what I want, what you give me = you love me. so every time you cry, the company of your parents becomes very important.
the more the baby cries, the more he can't turn a blind eye. Because behind every crying, they are saying: Mom, I need you.
I want what I want, when I want it;
I don't seem to have any problems.
I need you to tell me how to share my struggles with others;
I always think about myself before thinking about others.
happy, confused, sad, resentful, all these times, I need you.
when a child is crying and trying to control you, just when he needs you most, please tell him in a loving way: rules are also part of love.
Love and rules, please give it to him and don't leave him.