May you and I both make good use of the power of emotional value to solve the worries of life and marriage.
A little thing that happened to me recently gave me a clearer understanding of marriage.
because the work has been very busy, all kinds of tedious procedures make me gradually lose patience.
there is always a nameless fire in my heart, and I want to vent easily.
it's not easy to stay at home until the weekend and don't want to move.
seeing the tired look on my face, my husband offered to watch a movie together to relax.
I didn't care. I just nodded.
on the way to the movie, I tried to open a can of soda, but it was so big that it spilled all over the carpet.
I was furious and slammed the soda to the ground.
is Wu angry, but my husband has quietly moved to the side, gently touched my head: "I know you have been under a lot of pressure recently, don't be afraid, I will always be with you."
when I heard this, I couldn't hold back and immediately burst into tears.
lying in my husband's arms, a warm feeling welled up at the bottom of my heart, as if all my emotions had been dissolved.
in the years after marriage, he would enlighten me every time I was in the wrong mood, so I became more and more tolerant.
this emotional support has really reduced most of the pain in my life.
as stated in "seeing emotional value":
"in a marriage, emotional value is worth ten thousand dollars; only by catching each other's emotions can you hold each other's hearts."
although piercing, it is the most sober reality in marriage.
marriages that do not provide emotional value are in jeopardy
there is a sad scene in the movie "Marriage Story".
the protagonist Charlie is a talented drama director, and his wife Nicole is a well-known film and television actress.
the two fell in love with each other because of the play.
they once thought of each other as soul mates with tacit understanding, and others thought they were a match made in heaven for men and women.
however, as the child was born, their seemingly perfect marriage gradually fell apart.
when Nicole retreated behind the scenes and took on the trivialities of life and parenting, Charlie simply became a "shopkeeper".
he turned a deaf ear to Nicole's nagging and even said with a look of boredom, "you have to have a baby", choking Nicole speechless.
Nicole tried to transform into a director, and Charlie always said perfunctorily, "the next movie," but never gave her a chance.
when Nicole wanted to return to the screen and develop her film and television career, Charlie said disdainfully, "you might as well put your money back into the theater."
indifference, mockery, negation. Under the emotional depression day after day, Nicole became emotionally disturbed and unreasonable.
she cried in a breakdown: "you are a villain, you manipulated me."
after eight years of suffering, Nicole was tired of quarrelling and endless emotional rivalry, and the two finally chose to divorce.
there is a saying: "it is never the little things that really crush the marriage, but the loss of the emotional value of the couple behind the little things."
husband and wife live a life, but they live in a mood.
what the other person wants is emotional resonance, not carelessness.
Marriage, which does not provide emotional value, will only slowly erode love, engulf warmth, and end up cold.
getting along comfortably in marriage is essentially a high-energy emotional transmission.
every time we express ourselves, we are longing for a loving response from each other.
even a simple emotional empathy can make the love between each other surge.
Marriage that provides emotional value, go well
"thousands of love in the world, the most beautiful white head."
between husband and wife, the more they can support each other with emotional resources, the more they can get the reward of love.
see a true story shared by a blogger on the Internet.
salesman Zheng and his wife Xiaomei have been living a stable life of "men on the outside and women on the inside".
but since Xiaomei was promoted to an executive, a quiet life has made waves.
pick up and pick up the children several times, Xiaomei often breaks her appointment temporarily, and grim has to rush to help.
the promised weekend outing was disappointed and disappointed because her frequent overtime and business trips came to naught.
the joy and encouragement brought about by Xiaomei's promotion has gradually turned into anxiety, distress, and self-remorse.
looking at the increasingly haggard Xiaomei, she was grimly distressed and took the initiative to sit down to "discuss the division of labor".
taking into account the income and development prospects of both sides, grim decided to switch from business to internal service, halving income, but being able to take care of both family and work, and fully support Xiaomei.
more importantly, life has returned to order, and the two are no longer at loggerheads.
however, there are new troubles in the grim situation at this time.
once, the son said with low self-esteem, "my classmates all laughed at me. Is my father unable to make money?"
was in a dilemma, but Xiaomei took over the conversation:
"son, your father cooks and picks you up; accompanies you in reading, heart-to-heart talk and outings;
he also repairs household appliances and shares worries for his mother. One person has several jobs, and with his workload, his monthly salary is more than tens of thousands of yuan.
even if you pay for someone, can he do better than his father? "
the words filled his son's eyes with admiration: "Dad is so good."
grim is even more soFull of emotion, he hugged Xiaomei and said with emotion: "all my hard work is sweet."
very much agree with a passage in "the Power of positive emotions":
"We do not feel positive emotions because of a complete life and good health, but because sincere positive emotions create a complete and healthy life."
Life is like this, and so is marriage.
just an encouraging and affirmative look, your partner will be moved for a long time, and a blurted out when you are upset can also break the other person's heart.
between husband and wife, the best way to solve problems is not to ask each other to change, but to make each other feel respected and needed while retaining their own opinions.
couples who know how to provide emotional value to each other are not only compatible with each other in marriage, but also achieve each other.
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the reason is that high-value emotions, like carrying a little sun, can clear away haze and haze at any time:
even if trifles are involved, there are no shackles in the mind and no barriers in the body.
even if there are twists and turns in life, you can go with the wind and water and run towards happiness.
can provide emotional value determines the happiness of marriage
the higher the emotional value, the higher the happiness index of marriage.
and those couples who are romantic all their lives are good at providing "emotional value".
architect I.M. Pei and his wife Lu Aizhen have been working together for more than 70 years. His wife has never been stingy in her affirmation and encouragement, which is the biggest "secret weapon" for his success.
even if he is severely vilified and criticized to pieces, Lu Aizhen can always find the bright spot and give him confidence and courage.
I.M. Pei said:
"without Aizhen, there would be no I.M. Pei who would cheer up and win the World Award."
because his wife agrees with his brilliance rather than various honors, Bei Jinming has never changed his mind because of criticism from the outside world.
and the marriage between him and his wife has become the envy of everyone.
sometimes, when we change the expression of our emotions, maybe marriage can change its appearance.
use listening instead of blaming
have seen a psychological test:
if you are questioned because of a mistake, if you tell your lover the causes and consequences at this time, which kind of behavior can best heal the wound?
there are a variety of options below:
"if you make a mistake, you have to correct it. If you wake up with scolding, you will be fine."
"be comforted by each other and move on to the next thing."
"treat me to a big meal and cheer myself up."
"at this time he said nothing and chose to listen."
the results show that "choose to listen" is the most touching because it conveys a proper understanding and respect.
in life, everyone can make mistakes and hope not to make mistakes again.
instead of blaming and haggling, choose to listen.
learn to love by addition, understand more and love more; know how to use multiplication to please people, and be more tolerant.
replace reasoning with positive feedback
people often say that they can not be close to their parents, but not close to husband and wife.
husband and wife are not only the closest people, but also the most likely to hurt each other.
especially with the waste of firewood, rice and salt, many couples have turned the chorus into a solo and turned the romance into a chicken feather.
A little thing can make you blush, and a "I love you" has become an extravagant hope to disappear.
A good marriage is not about proving yourself right by reason, but about giving positive feedback to each other in a softer way.
for example, when there are differences on children's education, using "what do you think" instead of "I think we should do this" can make us communicate with each other more peacefully.
A good relationship is a partner, not an opponent.
when quarreling, use positive feedback instead of reasoning, ordinary days can be warm, simple feelings can also be happy and long.
use internal motivation instead of external incentive
praising a lover is not only a virtue, but also a kind of wisdom.
the more emotionally mature a partner is, the more he or she knows how to achieve each other in the right way.
the attribution theory in psychology shows that
affirming the abilities and qualities of a loved one provides more emotional value than recognizing each other's achievements.
indeed, the closer people are, the more they need to identify with each other and like each other.
this is not only the driving force for progress, but also the centripetal force for happiness.
marriage and family counselor Yao Yanyu also said:
"the ability to provide emotional value is the most important soft power of intimate relationships."
from now on, you might as well provide internal motivation to your loved ones, believing that happiness and beauty will come as expected.
Man is a kind of feeling animal after all, and reason is more to serve the feeling.
the core of emotional value in marriage is to be seen positively, responded positively, and cared passionately.
Smart couples both know how to provide each other with emotional value in time:
add some salt to life to make life interesting; add some sugar to marriage to make your feelings sweet and refreshing.
, may you and I both make good use of the power of emotional value to solve the worries of life and marriage.