In interpersonal communication, the greatest sobriety is to keep each other's bottom line.
there is a line in the Grandmaster:
"when making soup, we should pay attention to the heat. If the heat is not there, it is difficult to adjust. When the heat is over, things will be scorched."
the same is true of getting along with others. Once you can't keep your balance, it will also bring you trouble and pain.
in many cases, the more accustomed people are, the more unscrupulous they become; the more they look forward to it, the more disappointed they become.
in interpersonal communication, the greatest sobriety is to keep each other's bottom line.
No matter who you get along with, don't give in or expect too much.
people, the more accustomed they are, the more jerks they become.
Wang Xiaobo said such a sentence:
"people have two major obligations to live in the world, one is to be a good person, and the other is not to have the bad habit of spoiling others.
get along with others, the more you spoil them, the more they take your kindness as a matter of course.
eventually you will get more and more tired when others take it for granted.
although Mr. Qigong is a master of calligraphy, he has always been approachable. Whenever anyone comes to ask for ink treasure, he gives almost everything he asks for.
among them, a group of people come to the door every three or five times to ask for words.
at first, Mr. Qigong gladly picked up his pen and gave him calligraphy.
but gradually, they come more and more frequently and ask for more and more words each time.
Mr. Qigong began to feel unbearable. Once he said to his friend with emotion:
"I'm not writing now. I'm just brushing."
because he was embarrassed to refuse others, he felt very upset and even affected his main business.
later, Mr. Qigong caught a cold and the doctor warned him that he needed to rest.
he was afraid that the gang would come to the door again, so he simply pasted a blank piece of paper on the door with four sentences written on it:
"hibernating and refusing to visit; if you knock on the door and window, you will be fined one yuan."
the visitors who came to ask for words, when they saw it, all left quietly.
, Mr. Qigong laid down the rule that anyone who asks for words must register with his assistant, and each person can only ask for words once.
you may have encountered a similar thing in your life:
some relatives, seeing that you live in a big city, entrust you to do things for him, one after another.
some friends come to you when they see that your career is convenient, but their demands are getting more and more excessive every time.
as a result, you are not only thankless, but also add a lot of unnecessary trouble to yourself.
Bai Yansong said, "Why do people take you less and less seriously?" Because you are so easy to talk to. "
your bottomless compromise ends up spoiling others and wronging yourself.
No matter who you get along with, keep your edges and edges.
learn to set your own boundaries, get along with each other to see the sincerity, pay to have a bottom line.
be a person with a good heart but a thorn in his body, avoid indulging others and protect himself.
Love, the more you look forward to it, the chill you will feel.
@ Luo Cheng
shared such a thing.
Last year, his company encountered difficulties and never talked about cooperation with another company.
at this time, Luo Cheng found that the general manager of that company was his best friend in junior high school.
he immediately assured the leader that he would take care of the matter.
the next day, Luo Cheng went to see the best friend.
the other party's attitude was as enthusiastic as ever. They smiled and greeted each other, and Luo Cheng was more confident of cooperation.
after explaining why he came, Luo Cheng smiled and handed the pen over and said:
dude, if you sign the contract, the cooperation will be done.
Brother Tie didn't pick up the pen. "signing a contract is no joke," he said with a smile.
Luo Cheng thought it was only natural, so she offered to invite each other to dinner.
when he arrived at the table, Luo Chengben was ready to introduce the details of the cooperation.
the next day, Luo Cheng received the news that the other company refused to sign the contract.
at this time, Luo Cheng realized that he overestimated the relationship so much that he failed to expect it all.
in reality, there are also many such things, thinking that if you have a good relationship, you can talk about it, and that if you have a good relationship, you will not be rejected.
in the end, after being shut out of the door, he can only laugh at the coldness of others and his own absurdity.
very often, to ask too much of others is to torture yourself. If there is no expectation, there will be no chill.
as the writer Liao Yimei said:
Dress magnificent in our collection of champagne color silk dress . There are all lengths and styles in our collection.
"the less people need others, the more comfortable they will live.
No one, even if he wants to, can not fully meet the needs of another person. The only way is to stop himself.
Life is on and off, how much you look forward to, how much you feel lost.
instead of expecting too much and making yourself sad and lost, it is better to accept the darkness of human nature and learn to know people with eyes.
Don't overestimate relationships, don't rely on human feelings, don't hold expectations, and naturally there will be no more disappointment.
A really comfortable relationship
are all a little cold
there is a topic on Douban: "what are the suggestions from people who have been there in interpersonal communication?"
the highly praised answer is: "never spoil others and don't expect too much of others."
people who really live soberly get along with others more or less coldly.
there are two things recorded in the Biography of Zhang ailing.
when Zhang ailing was young, she had a good friend Pan Liudai. The two became best friends as soon as they hit it off.
but Pan Liudai often denigrates Zhang ailing behind her back.
at first, in terms of sisterhood, Zhang ailing did not argue with her.
but Pan Liudai is getting more and more outrageous. On one occasion, she even wrote an article to laugh at Zhang ailing.
when Zhang ailing saw this, without saying a word, she immediately announced that she had severed diplomatic relations with Pan Liudai and stopped seeing each other from then on.
after Zhang ailing emigrated abroad in her later years, she lived in great distress for some time.
in the most difficult times, I live on half a piece of cake and coffee a day.
but even so, she never asked her close friends, such as Song Qi and Xia Zhiqing, for help.
when asked, she said faintly, "I don't want to owe anyone a favor, much less do I want to be looked down upon."
when she gets along with anyone, Zhang ailing always keeps such a cool and easy life.
once heard a saying: "when the moon is full, it loses; when the water is full, it overflows; when the flower is full, it declines; when it is full, it is stupid."
too far or too close is a hard wound in the relationship.
sometimes it is that you don't know how to refuse other people's cross-boundary requests, which only adds to your troubles.
sometimes they unwittingly step across the line, resulting in unexpected expectations and disappointment.
Zhou Guoping said: "A sense of size is a sign of mature love."
No matter how good the relationship is, we must keep the boundary of communication. People can't get used to it and can't look forward to it.
only by giving up unprincipled giving and unrealistic demands can we manage a comfortable and comfortable relationship.
writer Li Songwei said that any long-term relationship is inseparable from "restraint":
on the one hand, you should restrain your kindness and have moderate goodwill in order to be respected accordingly.
on the other hand is to restrain your demands, do not expect, do not demand, the two do not owe each other, and naturally each is at peace.
when adults get along with each other, the most taboo thing is not to pay attention to principles and mispay sincerity.
if you want to have a long-term relationship, you need to grasp the sense of distribution, don't pay blindly, and don't overestimate.
, get along with others, more edge, less expectation, you will gain a long-term and comfortable relationship.