You can not lose your temper, but you can't lose your temper.
writer Mark Twain once said:
"you are as weak as water, and they will find you spineless without much effort, and they will treat you like slaves."
Don't have a good temper to get along with anyone.
the quality of interpersonal relationships does not depend on how you treat others, but on your own strength.
others will only be more respectful and tolerant of the strong, and your repeated tolerance will only be seen as a cheap gesture of goodwill.
the better the temper, the easier it is to be ignored
Andrew, a professor at the University of London, shared a short story.
he has a first-degree student who is a mild-mannered boy.
during Andrew's business trip, male students will be responsible for leading a team of master's degree students to advance the progress of their projects.
but this boy is so talkative that the brothers and sisters can't finish the project on time, so they can cope with it for any reason.
at the end of the semester, younger brothers and sisters often forget what the boy told them to do and are very impolite when talking to him.
in the second semester, Andrew specially kept an eye on it. He gave the postgraduate work to the female student of Bo San, who acted vigorously and was a little difficult to mess with.
these brothers and sisters are very afraid of her, and the things she tells them to do are very efficient.
Andrew said that people who are too good-tempered have no say in the crowd, and people may have more respect for sharp-headed people.
the writer Migg once said that such beauty is full and confident only if it is round and not sharp, soft and cowardly.
if people show weakness everywhere, they have to give in to others in everything, and in the end they will only make themselves suffer.
A mother once brought her daughter with depression to Zhang Ping, a psychological counselor.
the girl has been taught to be very obedient and sensible by her parents since childhood.
after she went to college, because of her gentle temper, her roommate thought she was easy to bully and did everything regardless of her feelings.
when her roommate has no living expenses, she will borrow money from her, and she is embarrassed to ask for it if she doesn't pay it back.
she cleans the dormitory every day. If she doesn't clean it in time, her roommate will blame her.
in this way, the girl's inner emotional backlog became more and more, and eventually suffered from severe depression.
there is a line in the movie Animal World: I will not be a ferocious bad guy, but I will never be a weak good guy.
never be nice to others without a bottom line. You think that if you have a gentle temper, more people will like you.
but the truth of human nature is that when a person is used to being nice to him, he will take it for granted.
I have read such a sentence that other people don't take you seriously. In the final analysis, it all starts when you don't take yourself seriously.
the hidden social rule of adults is that only when you take yourself seriously will others take you seriously.
people who are too talkative have no true friends
A reader once asked the writer Bi Shumin that I was kind to everyone around me. I almost treated everyone equally and responded to every request, but why was no one willing to help me when I was in trouble?
Bi Shumin replied:
"A person who is good to everyone, in the final analysis, stems from an inner lack of self-confidence, so he will subconsciously show a flattering state of mind in getting along with others.
in the relationship between people, the more you have the consciousness to please others, the more likely you are to be looked down upon by others. "
this feeling comes from a real experience of Bi Shumin.
when Bi Shumin first graduated from university, she worked as an intern in a company.
there is a colleague in the company who is two years older than her. She is kind and always has a smile on her face.
compared with other colleagues' indifference to the newcomers, she revealed a friendly attitude that impressed Bi Shumin.
Bi Shumin likes to consult her when she comes across something at work.
but soon, Bi Shumin found that although such people have affinity, they are also easy to be regarded as soft persimmons.
from going out to help with meals, to helping to print materials, to being robbed of interviews at work, many people bullied her, and no one really cared about her.
this girl made Bi Shumin understand a very simple truth: for people who are pleasant to everyone, it is always difficult to make true friends.
as Jiang Fangzhou said, those who can really appreciate you will always appreciate your pride, not your pretending to be humble and agreeable.
to please others will only make you more and more humble and less valued.
in the book, Tolstoy portrays a flattering personality, Sonia.
but the end result is that she is all alone and no one likes her at all.
I have read such a paragraph:
"people are actually a game of high position and status. In the process of contact with each other, they are consciously or unconsciously testing each other's bottom line. Once you are talkative, the level in each other's mind changes immediately."
instead of being a good man who doesn't offend anyone, it's better to be a prick that no one dares to mess with.
there used to be an interesting question on Zhihu:
one is a person who is kind and everything is agreed, and the other is a person with sharp edges and angles. which one do you like better?
results everyone answered: the latter.
psychologist Wu Zhihong once said that whenWhen others perceive you as a difficult person to mess with, you are more likely to be respected and end up with a good relationship.
in 1792, Beethoven came to Vienna at the age of 22.
A local duke named Lisinovsky was a music lover. Out of his appreciation of Beethoven, he gave Beethoven a lot of help, and the two became very good friends.
but once the Duke invited Beethoven to play, but Beethoven despised the Duke's flattery so much that he refused to take part in the performance.
the Duke said angrily, "I organized your concert, and I bought the piano at the concert. I am a good friend who gives you a lot of help. How dare you refuse me?"
Beethoven replied, "you help me because you like music, and I accept your help because you like music. We are good friends in music, but I will not betray my personality for good friends."
it was because of Beethoven's hard temper that the Duke never dared to embarrass him again.
Life without anger is sad, like a leaping elk without the ability to run quickly, like an agile cat with its beard cut off.
as a man, you should lose your temper when it is time to lose your temper and turn your face when it is time to turn your face.
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there are too many smiling faces, but they are used to being sick.
the more you give in, the more others will take an inch; the softer you are, the more unscrupulous they will be.
when you have principles, positions and opinions, others will accommodate you, respect you, and admire you.
Gu Cheng wrote in the poem Rose:
"the rose wears sharp thorns, which does not turn into thorns, but only protects its spring blossoms from being ravaged by wild beasts."
give birth to edges and sharp thorns, not to hurt others, but to better protect themselves.
you can not lose your temper, but you can't lose your temper.
Don't lose your aggressiveness easily. In this cruel society, it is the foundation on which you live.