recently, "what the life of a middle-aged couple will be like" has become a hot topic, attracting the attention of 140 million people.

someone left a message that life is full of powerlessness and loneliness, and the relationship between husband and wife is paralyzed and supported by children.

some people complain that every day they are overwhelmed by bills and loans, and couples peck at each other like vegetable chickens.

some people show off their love and feel that the luckiest thing in this life is to meet each other.

all kinds of messages remind me of a sentence by Zhou Guoping:

"when people reach middle age, some people have a good marriage;

some people, however, make marriage a terrible hell. "

careful observation shows that most middle-aged couples who live happily and happily have the following eight characteristics.

01

be kind to each other

be considerate of each other's difficulties

in the Garden of the mind, emotion expert Zhang Yiyun talks about one thing.

after marriage, she found that every time her husband blew his nose, the used paper towels were never discarded, but stacked together and sometimes reused.

said many times, the husband did not change and did not let her clean up, asked carefully to know that there is a bitter past.

was very poor when he was a child, and his nose allergies often ran out of paper, and he didn't have sense of security in his heart, so he developed this strange habit.

since then, Zhang Yiyun has not complained about the stack of paper towels.

but she bought a lot of wrapping paper, tossed it and smiled and said, "look, we have a lot of paper!"

under the infection of her laughter and psychological hints, her husband no longer stubbornly left waste paper and slowly walked out of the shadow of the past.

afterwards, Zhang Yiyun said:

"if I keep nagging and complaining, maybe my husband's heart will always be locked."

in life, everyone has had troughs and experienced cold winters.

and the meaning of marriage is that two people warm each other and love each other in love and being loved.

you understand my hard work, and I know that it is not easy for you. Only in this way can you endure the hardships of life and enjoy the sweetness of life.

02

housework is not "to whom"

but share

whether the relationship between husband and wife is good or not can be seen by the housework.

because a truly happy marriage is not only a strong love, but also a sharing of trifles.

after watching an interview, someone asked Australian "good Dad" Bruce the secret of marriage and love.

he humorously held out his hands and said, "the family belongs to two people, and so is the housework."

but no matter how late he sleeps, he will get up early to do housework with his wife, prepare breakfast, clean the room, send the children to school, and so on.

he said:

"Home is not a restaurant, and you are not a guest. As a husband and father, you must rush ahead and do it first."

that's true. It's better to say "you've worked hard" than "I'll do it".

after all, life is the accumulation of countless trifles, including bitterness and pain, as well as troubles and depressions.

two people watch and help each other, marriage can not be blown down by the wind, not afraid of the rain.

03

respect each other

Don't quarrel in front of outsiders

teeth and tongues can fight, and it is hard to avoid bumps and bumps when they live together.

those couples who love each other more and more are not without quarrels, but always respect each other's wisdom.

do not fight for strength in front of others, but know how to show mercy and decency to each other.

in the TV series the World, the love between Zhou Bingkun and Zheng Juan is very touching.

after decades of ups and downs, they had differences over the ownership of the old house, conflicts due to misunderstandings of extramarital affairs, and even quarrels over the biological father of their children.

but whether it is a temporary quarrel or a flushed face, they never embarrass each other in front of children or people.

but closed the door, "secret talk" in the room, said the words open, the two hearts are getting closer and closer.

educator Lu Qin once said:

"the seed of respect can grow into a happy tree and bear happy fruit."

A good marriage should also learn tolerance and respect on the basis of love.

with tolerance and forgiveness, life can be peaceful and beautiful; with respect and respect, life can go smoothly.

04

intimate interaction

often hug to express love

"do you remember the time when you were in love?"

when parting, not seeing each other for one day is like three years later, and my heart is at a loss as if I had hollowed out.

when we meet, we can't wait to hug each other and never get tired of it.

after entering the marriage, the collision of pots and pans and the impregnation of oil, salt and vinegar gradually wear away the passion.

sometimes there are more than half a sentence of speculation, and sometimes they don't like each other, and even sitting together is like an invisible 38th parallel.

in fact, the expression of love between husband and wife needs to be confirmed by some action or ceremony.

is like falling in love with each other, every intimate interaction conveys love and expresses affection.

psychologist Pam Sparr once said:

"the hugs and kisses before going to work in the morning are memorable all day."

give a gentle hug before going out.After home, a sweet kiss.

even if it is simply repeated, passion will go on and on, and love will be more affectionate.

05

Storage moving moment

set up a bank of happiness

I have read a report, which is touching.

Yang Zhenhua, a 98-year-old man from Changzhou, wrote a happiness diary of nearly 500000 words to his wife during his 75-year marriage.

"Wen Ying makes shoes and knits sweaters for me."

"Wen Ying tried his best to get five jin of food stamps and gave them to me."

"Mother is blind, Wen Yingxia repels mosquitoes, and the winter stove has no regrets."

Grandpa Yang often writes down these moving moments in his diary.

interestingly, the more happiness diaries are written, the happier the relationship will be.

just like saving money, if you clock in and save love every day, your emotional account will naturally become richer and richer.

therefore, read more about each other's good and remember less about your lover's mistakes, and the blessings of marriage will be accompanied all the time.

06

keep fresh in life

experience new things regularly

some people say that life is half the fuel, half the stars and the sea.

if you want to have a good life, you must have a heart of "fresh life".

Facebook founder Zuckerberg, who has been married for more than 10 years, has always used "fresh-keeping tips" to sweeten marriage:

go on a separate date once a week for at least 100 minutes;

take two weeks a year to travel together.

during a date or travel, don't talk about work, just enjoy life and experience new things.

because they regularly nourish the heart and store energy for love, the way two people look at each other is always full of love.

as the "Little window seclusion" said, "it is better to have fun at first sight than never to get tired of it."

in a long marriage, maybe passion will be dull and intimacy will become a habit.

but marriage is not the end of love, but a new beginning.

as long as building blocks and watering and caring from time to time, it will always be full of sweetness in both directions.

07

based on the present

quarrels do not turn over old debts

when two people quarrel, there is nothing more frightening than clinging to the past.

No matter how deep the love is and how strong the love is, once you start to turn over the old debts, the grievances and resentments accumulated in the past will gush out again.

adding new grudges to old grudges will not only help the matter, but will also add fuel to the fire and intensify contradictions.

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in the movie "reunion", the scene of the husband and wife quarreling is still impressive:

because the child mistakenly called "grandma and grandpa" as "grandpa", the husband complained that his wife's family humiliated him and regarded him as a door-to-door son-in-law, and the wife thought the husband was too sensitive.

in the dispute, "old things" were dug up one by one, and "faults" were brought up one after another.

as a result, the more noisy it was, the more fierce it became, and for a while chickens and dogs jumped.

psychologist Li Zixun once said:

"many difficulties in marriage are caused by the old debts of husband and wife."

keep rummaging through the past, small things become big things, couples become resentful couples.

A really smart couple knows how to turn the story in time, talking only about the present, not about the past.

08

Communication before bedtime

know each other's heart

have you ever experienced this in your life:

before going to bed, the night covers the surroundings, suddenly feel empty and lonely, it is easy to hurt spring and autumn.

at this time, if husband and wife can talk heart to heart, they can get twice the result with half the effort, strong feelings, hot marriage.

Jin Yi, a psychological counseling expert, shared a case.

Mr. Sun, a 38-year-old senior executive of a foreign company, only has time before going to bed every day, but his wife ignores him, so he wants a divorce.

his wife felt that Mr. Sun was away from home all the time, suspected that he was having an affair and deliberately alienated him.

you can talk about your parents, complain about the bitterness of life, and even gossip, just don't be a dumb roommate.

the best nourishment of marriage is not material partnership, but spiritual empathy.

even if you are physically and mentally exhausted, whispers before going to bed can smooth out the wrinkles of life.

even if exhausted, counting the dribs and drabs of time can inspire the courage to move forward.

▽

Goethe said:

"whether he is a king or a farmer, he is the happiest man as long as his family is in harmony."

when people reach middle age and walk halfway through the landscape, we gradually understand:

the happiest thing in life is that people understand tiredness, pain, pain, joy and sadness.

this kind of marriage life can withstand the cold and warm of the world, carry the wind and rain erosion, and withstand the long years.

, may you and I shine on each other like light and warm our partner like fire for the rest of my life.

the book is released by authorization on Monday.