Be yourself once, to find the light, to chase the light, and finally become the light.
some time ago, Ms. Pan in Anhui, known as the "ceiling of Voldemort", became very popular.
the video entitled "selling cookies for 12 years to buy a house and a car for my brother" was highly praised on the Internet.
she not only bought a house and a car for her brother, but also said that all the money she earns now is in the hands of her parents.
some people ask, have you thought about yourself over the years?
she says she won't think about her marriage until her brother gets married.
for a moment, netizens were indignant and wanted to ask her if she was forced to do so.
Unfortunately, it is not.
in fact, Ms. Pan is a post-90s and is only 33 years old this year.
it is rumored on the Internet that she runs two pancake and beef fan shops in Dingyuan County, Anhui Province, which is very popular with local customers.
in order to run a business, she gets up at 4: 30 every morning and works in the shop until after 10:00 in the evening. She hardly has a break all the year round.
"at most, 3000 pancakes were sold a day, almost all of which were singled out by me." She said.
I can feel from her words that she is really proud of her efforts and efforts, because she has realized her dream.
what is this dream? Is to buy a house and a car for my brother.
the house has been watched, 129 flat, with a total price of more than 500,000 yuan, which has not been paid yet.
according to what she said in the video, she should have bought the car.
Ms. Pan herself said that most of the 1 million she earned over the years was spent on helping her younger brother.
and what about herself?
I'll buy a small set later.
netizens are very sad about her efforts and guess one after another:
is it another realistic version of Fan Shengmei?
or is there something difficult to hide?
some netizens even asked, is this brother a disabled person?
after everyone thought that there must be an important reason behind it, Ms. Pan's smiling and cloudy remarks were even more surprising.
she said: my brother will be fine, my parents will be fine, my parents will be fine, our sisters will be fine.
according to this logic, the happiness of the whole family lies in the younger brother, and the happiness of the younger brother is the top priority of the whole family.
Why doesn't the younger brother strive for happiness by himself? Is he disabled? Not really.
Ms. Pan's brother, who was born in 1995, is 28 years old and has gone to college.
after graduation, I studied car repair with my old cousin for a few years, and then went to work in Nanjing.
Ms. Pan said that her brother also encountered a lot of difficulties outside, and there was no future in repairing the car, so she might as well come back to work for herself.
at present, she is going to give a shop to her brother.
if this story had been put in the past, the whole society would have been moved by Ms. Pan's selfless dedication.
but today, all you see is sadness and worry.
first of all, I am worried about Ms. Pan's personal family and marriage.
many people say that it is OK to be a sister, but the person who marries her is miserable.
everyone knows that it is a terrible thing to marry a sister who has the behavior of "supporting the younger brother".
married his sister and ended up raising a giant adult baby.
some people think that it is not good to be a parent, because she will pass on this educational concept of giving too much to others to her children.
in love and reason, no one can stand it.
and this is a very real problem, in fact, Ms. Pan has already encountered.
after marriage, the couple also continue to sell pancakes.
in 2013, the son of two was born. In 2018, in order to take care of their son, they returned to their hometown and continued to sell pancakes.
the online rumor is that her mother-in-law thinks she cares too much about her mother's family, and her husband finally divorced her.
secondly, when will this "supporting brother" come to an end?
as netizens worry:
"when your brother marries a wife, you will scold you if you don't pay. This kind of sister is harmful to the younger brother. "
in fact, what netizens are worried about is right in front of their eyes.
Ms. Pan said:
"my younger brother is not young, and our partner is not yet settled. We are all worried, and our mother's hair is all white. Only when I get better at home can I get better. "
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seeing this, I really begged Ms. Pan's brother to find someone as soon as possible, so that his sister who bought a car and a house for him would not be so worried.
but on second thought, just find someone? Probably not.
which of the problems that everyone is worried about on the Internet, such as the future family of my brother and taking care of children, is not important?
helping brother demons is essentially an endless road, not to mention that this road is embarked on voluntarily by my sister.
also, if you pay like this, if something happens to your sister in the future, can your younger brother sell cars and houses to help your sister?
at present, she puts all her expectations on her younger brother. Has she really not thought about how her younger brother will pay it back in the future?
orThe author said that after the younger brother did not become the way he wanted, would he not feel that he had paid in vain?
because of all kinds of discussions, my younger brother is also on a moral viaduct. This means that he must be equally selfless to his sister, or he will be subjected to both external and inner torture.
after that, how should I make this relationship clear when I have a family?
the relationship between the whole family is really continuous and messy.
seeing that things have come to this, many netizens can only respect and bless them.
because some beliefs and values are also rooted in their hearts, it is difficult to change.
in the traditional moral culture and the concept of the older generation, there seems to be an unwritten formula:
Family is larger than individual.
it is the traditional thought of many people that family interests outweigh personal interests.
everyone in the family should put the development and honor of the family and family first, even at the expense of personal pursuits and ideas.
in Ms. Pan's words, she mentioned twice that "when the family is good, so am I." you can see that such a view goes deep into her heart.
even after more than a decade of getting married, starting a family, getting divorced and being single with children, this concept has never changed.
from this point, the contradiction between everyone and Ms. Pan is that we think that if Ms. Pan is better off, your family will be better.
because we have seen too many people give up their right to pursue happiness for the sake of the so-called family interests, and such people live in a state of compromise for most of their lives.
the key is that such a sacrifice can not return the happiness of the family at all, and all you can get is to be "squeezed" for a lifetime.
for example, Su Min, a 50-year-old self-driving aunt, as we all know before.
after decades of marriage, she and her husband have been AA; financially. Her husband has always been cynical about her hobby pursuit, and even hit her.
but she dared not divorce because she was afraid of her daughter's difficulty in getting married.
after her daughter had a child, she repeatedly postponed her self-driving trip because she had to look after her grandchildren until the grandchildren went to kindergarten.
she was taught from an early age to take care of her brother and to hand in her salary after work, because her brother has not yet worked and got married.
living in such an environment, Aunt Su Min once took medicine for depression.
sacrificing herself for her family seems to have formed a muscle memory in her body.
in the face of personal interests and the interests of the "big family", many people are accustomed to putting family first, which in essence is to give up the initiative and dream pursuit of their own life again and again.
because if you don't, you will be tortured by your inner "selfish" conscience.
instead of lamenting Ms. Pan's hard work for her brother, we would rather regret the pity that she sacrificed herself for her family.
with regard to the comments on the Internet, Ms. Pan also said bluntly that it was normal not to understand her because everyone had not experienced her difficulties.
so, what difficulties has Ms. Pan experienced?
it turns out that she is the eldest daughter of the family, and there is not only a brother but also a sister below.
when she was very young, her father suffered from a variety of chronic diseases and could not do heavy physical work, and her mother mainly managed more than ten mu of land in the family.
she remembers that when she was a child, her family often borrowed rice from villagers and relatives to make ends meet, and the family could barely make ends meet.
due to the poor financial conditions of her family, she went out to work after graduating from junior high school to support her family.
from this experience, we can actually think, how did a person become a supporting brother demon? Did she help her brother when she was born?
of course not.
it is nothing more than being instilled with the idea that "the eldest sister is like the mother" and "the elder sister should take care of and give way to the younger brother and sister". He has been helping his brother and sister since childhood, and he has to help his brother and sister when he grows up to make money, get married and support his family, because he is used to helping.
in the movie Sister, the heroine played by Zhang Zifeng Enron has an aunt who had her own dream when she was young.
she was originally admitted to the Russian Department of Western University, but Enron's father was admitted to a technical secondary school, and the family could only afford one person's tuition, so her aunt had to choose to work.
after working, the aunt had the opportunity to go to Russia to do business. As a result, the younger brother and sister-in-law gave birth to a child. Once again, the aunt gave up her life and fulfilled the younger brother's family.
she said: "I am a sister. I have been since the day I was born, and I have always been."
this kind of "fatalistic" sacrifice as a sister has been deeply rooted in her blood.
although Ms. Pan did not talk about family problems, nor can we speculate what kind of educational guidance her parents had when she was growing up, but from her repeated logic of "the younger brother is good, our whole family can be good." it's not hard to see one or two.
she even said: parents will still live with their younger brother in the future.
so, Ms. Pan thinks that buying a good RV for her brother is tantamount to filial piety for her parents.The "helping brother devil" is different.
but there is actually a question: why do parents have to live with their younger brother in the future?
with Ms. Pan's ability and diligence, plus if the younger brother works hard, he can share his parents' pension together, or he can take his parents over by himself.
discuss the matter of Ms. Pan because I find that under the traditional concept that the family is bigger than the individual and that the children are orderly, it is not just helping the demons.
some parents say that their children do not consider themselves, force their children to marry and forbid them to go to work or study in other places.
some people, as brothers and sisters, do not think well about their work and marriage, but need to bear the future of their brothers and sisters.
some people are expected by the family to be admitted to a famous school, to find a good job, to be inculcated with words such as "all this hard work is for you" since childhood, and have been living under pressure.
on the one hand, they want to get rid of such suffocation, but on the other hand, they are subjected to the torture of "selfish" conscience.
to this, we would like to say:
first of all, let go of your family, family burden and helping complex.
the change of a family requires everyone to work together, not one person to change everything.
We are not that good, nor can we afford the prosperity of a family or a family.
it is not easy to be able to walk well in your life, and it is necessary to let go of the plot of helping others.
even for our parents and children, everyone has his own way to go.
their lives are not plain sailing through our selfless giving and help.
as a member of the family, we certainly have to support and help each other, but not to replace them to live our lives.
stop giving like a "helping brother" and let go not only of yourself, but also of the brother, parents, and family who could have been self-reliant.
secondly, everyone in the family has different genders, ages and children, but everyone is equal.
Sister and elder brother does not mean to "give way" to younger brothers and sisters, let alone to take care of everything about them.
especially nowadays, opportunities are fought for by individuals, and girls can also have the ability to make their families happy.
but others may also take it for granted.
it is enough for relatives to fulfill their obligations and help friendship.
what we really need to learn is to learn to love others on the basis of learning to love ourselves.
be yourself once, to find the light, to chase the light, and finally to become the light.