Only when you know how to take care of your feelings and love yourself, can you have life every day.
have you ever had this experience?
there is a friend around you who often complains about life. After listening to you more, he suddenly becomes impatient.
colleagues around you are chatting happily and lively, but you, who originally had a full sense of participation, just want to be alone at some point.
the negative feelings that gush out from the heart above are just to remind you that your emotions need to rest.
therefore, we need "intermittent apathy" to properly untie the mood, by temporarily away from the emotional whirlpool, calm and cool at the bottom of the heart.
in the final analysis, a long-term interpersonal relationship is inseparable from the rhythm of relaxation.
No matter who you get along with, to learn "intermittent indifference" is to grasp the way to get along quickly and slowly.
moderate empathy is kindness
excessive empathy is a burden
from a psychological point of view, "intermittent apathy" can help us define personal boundaries and maintain empathy within an appropriate range.
as the glue of interpersonal relationships, moderate empathy has always been essential.
We often need the understanding and company of others, just as others need us.
Korean psychotherapist Jung Hui-hsin says that empathy is a magic that can turn white paper into pigeons.
share sorrow with others, sorrow can be halved, happiness can be shared with others, and happiness will be doubled.
but in many cases, it is not easy to keep empathy within a moderate range.
many people want to help others, but unknowingly empathize too much and drag themselves into the abyss of emotion.
my good friend Dangdang has had such an experience.
when she is a person with strong empathy, this character enables her to capture the other person's emotional tipping point and give comfort at the right time when she speaks to others.
it is precisely because of Dangdang's "tree hole physique" that a colleague with a good relationship at work always likes to ask her to "confide his heart":
complains not only about her boss, but also about her colleagues, and then she talks about her trifles, dragging her to chat during the break from work, and occasionally confiding in her on Wechat after work.
in the long run, more and more negative emotions are swallowed by Dangdang, and the state of work is gradually affected.
not only do you have frequent business problems, but you also begin to have prejudices against your boss and colleagues, and your mood is always hovering at the edge of the limit.
sometimes, when you just want to lend someone a shoulder, you can't help crying with others.
excessive empathy is not only easy to make others emotionally dependent, unable to face their own problems, but also more likely to consume themselves and become the emotional carrier of others.
once the whole person's energy is exhausted, it is difficult to concentrate on living the present life.
as a saying goes, "everything must be limited and insurmountable."
this is especially true with people, no matter how close the relationship is, never pretend to be too full of empathy.
people who cannot be emotionally disconnected
have become fragile goods
Wu Zhihong said an impressive sentence in her speech:
"the most important thing in the world is to take care of yourself first. Such a simple truth seems to have gone through thousands of rivers and mountains in order to be fully aware of it. "
the simpler the reason is, the easier it is to be ignored. Many people already feel emotionally tired, but they don't even have the courage to stop.
it was not until the moment that I couldn't hold on that I realized that my real self was already fragile.
inevitably, there will always be people who disagree with each other to leave messages in the comment area or attack her by private messages.
at first, Shuimuding will reply one by one and carefully explain his point of view.
then she gradually realized that these people didn't really care what she really expressed, they were just looking for a "container" that could accept their emotions, and no matter how they explained it, they would end up with bad words.
sometimes when you argue with each other all day, Shuimuding will only feel more restless, exhausting and exhausting.
coupled with the fact that as a highly sensitive person, her empathy is already stronger than that of others, and her excessive acceptance of other people's negative emotions has made her collapse several times.
later, she began to learn to protect herself, and when she clearly felt that she could not cope with the other person's emotional black hole, she usually stopped replying or directly removed fans.
now Shuimuding is famous for "not listening to different opinions" on the Internet.
in this way, she can be herself generously and speak more freely.
once saw a netizen throw a question: "Why are people intermittently indifferent?"
one of the answers is impressive: "because indifference is nature, so cherish his enthusiasm."
enthusiasm is goodwill, indifference is nature, enthusiasm released too much, it blurs the original appearance.
to understand "intermittent indifference" is to learn to take off the mask of enthusiasm, return to the original heart, and leave one side of the world to regain self.
people with high EQ know how to digest their own emotions before sharing the joys and sorrows of others.
when we choose to be indifferent and far away from consumption, we also choose to treat the world with tenderness.
learn to manage empathy
keep "intermittent apathy"
"Intermittent apathy is not about stopping empathy with others, much less about living your own life behind closed doors.
on the contrary, it is because you are responsible for your emotions and those of others that you choose to take a short rest in exchange for a more leisurely start.
so, how can we achieve reasonable "intermittent apathy"? here are three suggestions.
identify the source of emotion and truthfully express your inner feelings.
if you feel that your inner order is disturbed by other people's voices, try to classify emotions in your mind:
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judge whether these uncomfortable feelings come from yourself or from others.
if others give you too much emotion to bear, you should obey your heart and truthfully express your feelings at the moment to the other person.
maybe some people will choose to be patient because they are "embarrassed", but they don't have to.
when someone throws a question at you, they are ready to be accepted or not.
We are just making a choice.
learn to let go of emotional burdens that do not belong to you and avoid getting involved in the sufferings of others.
set emotional "acceptance quota" and establish self-boundaries.
set a "listening limit" for yourself, and once the other person speaks more than you can accept, you can choose "ruined empathy" and withdraw from the other person's emotions in time.
you know, when a person is in pain, it is difficult to stay rational and pull away from his emotions in time, so at this time, we should learn to protect our mental energy from being consumed.
and choose the listening method of "flawless empathy" is to respond to each other with words such as "Yes, I feel the same way" and "Yes, that's right".
in this way, we can not only avoid their own emotional fatigue, but also let each other talk smoothly, both of them are more satisfied.
block excessive information and learn self-healing.
learn to screen out distractions that may be a burden on yourself, and use quality solitude to achieve high-quality happiness.
for example, deliberately reducing the frequency of browsing your phone is not only to avoid consuming too much negative news, but also to cultivate a "de-fragmented" way of thinking.
when you are away from social media, you can use books to expand your mind, review the life issues that need to be solved behind your emotions, and give yourself a thorough healing.
in the variety show "leaping to the Advanced Workplace", the contestants said in August: "if you are sincere in your heart, you are not afraid to be an indifferent person."
intermittent apathy is a kind of sincerity, being able to be quietly accompanied when others are in need, and allowing yourself to stop when you are emotionally tired.
the best way for adults to be kind to themselves is to be responsible for their emotions.
Don't let other people's troubles fill your heart at any time.
only when you know how to take care of your feelings and love yourself, can you have life every day.