There is no standard answer in this world, and there is not only one way to live.
Wang Zengqi once said in Sifang Food:
"you can avoid eating some things yourself, but don't object to others eating."
Don't think that whoever eats what you don't eat is outrageous.
A simple and simple sentence tells a profound truth.
in life, many people are used to judging people and things around them with their own opinions and understandings, feeling that they are either stupid or wrong.
but in fact, everyone is experiencing different experiences and feeling different feelings.
so never use your own ruler to measure other people's lives.
but try to accept and understand, and then learn empathy and gratitude.
do not judge others from their own standpoint
some time ago, in the book "Adult's World, there is no easy word", I read three stories:
A middle-aged woman who was abandoned tried her best to lose weight. Many people said that she could not accept the reality of being abandoned, but in fact, she just wanted to save her daughter with advanced liver cancer.
because only by losing 30 kilograms can her liver meet the conditions for transplant.
A reporter went to a small village for an interview. when he saw a thin child eating instant noodles, he told the child's mother that it was not good to eat instant noodles.
but the reality is that children can only eat once on their birthday.
A teenage girl replaced all her avatars with idols, and everyone laughed at her for being an anarchist.
and she just wants to use the light of her idol to treat her depression, just want to use this simple love to regain confidence and fight against the bad life.
when we often put "I thought" before the truth, we can only draw subjective conclusions. Then, accidentally hurt others, but also slandered themselves.
A few years ago, Professor Dai Jianye was scolded to choke. During a lecture, someone questioned him on the spot that he had lost his literati character in order to make money.
but how do people know that his wife has lung cancer, and a box of 30 pills costs more than 50,000 yuan?
he accepted invitations and gave lectures just to earn some medical expenses and save his wife who had been with him for decades.
author Lao Yang's owl wrote in the book:
Please do not conduct moral judgment on a person at will until you have really experienced other people's pain.
indeed, when we don't know the whole picture of things, we are all too easily misled by the halo effect, and we always evaluate a person or thing according to our own position and thinking inertia.
therefore, it ignores the reality that should be faced squarely: the suffering underneath those appearances and countless sleepless nights.
putting aside the results of talking about facts and talking about right or wrong without conditions is not objective and meaningless.
you know, behind everyone's behavior, there is his reason.
the vicissitudes of life, no matter the joys and sorrows, we should not judge them with prejudice. Remember, if there is more understanding, there will be less blame.
Don't instruct others with your own knowledge
Dong Yuhui once jokingly told the story between himself and his brother in the studio.
"I try to get in touch with my brother as little as possible. As long as he doesn't get in touch, he won't react. All the difficulties in his life are caused by me."
my younger brother's job at that time was relatively easy and didn't earn much. As a result, Dong Yuhui suggested that his younger brother quit his current job and go to Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou and Shenzhen to work hard on himself, practice his skills and come back.
as a result, my brother went south to work as he wanted, but failed to do as he expected.
at this point, Dong Yuhui said:
later, I no longer give random advice, our biased, one-sided, narrow-minded thinking is not enough to guide other people's lives.
this sentence, he expressed his inner feelings, but also aroused the resonance of countless people.
as family members, we will unconsciously use our own understanding of the world to plan the future and give advice to others.
is sincere "for your own good", but also ignores whether the other person is willing, necessary and suitable.
when your best friend buys a house, you say you must buy a good location, but you don't take her budget into account.
my niece volunteered. You said you must choose someone from a big city, but you didn't know that he didn't want to be too far away from his parents.
when colleagues hold weddings, you say that there must be too many people, but ignore the fact that both families are used to keeping a low profile.
there is a sentence in the Shadow Theft:
"you can't interfere in other people's lives, even for their own good, this is his life."
and people's troubles are precisely because they are good teachers.
too often, it is not difficult for us to detect that our "enthusiasm" has exceeded the limits that others can accept, and even become a moral kidnapping.
everyone is the protagonist of his own story. If the other person doesn't take the initiative to ask for help, let's not be self-righteous.
after all, our cognition is limited, and we must not point other people's lives in the wrong direction because of our own one-sided ideas.
you know, there is a reason behind everyone's decision.
things change, no matter right or wrong, we should no longer be good teachers to guide, remember, less interference, there will be less regret.
do not measure others by their own values
I have heard such a sentence:
in life, if you always judge the answers of other people's lives by your own standards, it will inevitably be partial and reckless.
I remember that a year ago, when my nephew was one year old, my cousin's best friend stared in front of our family and said to her:
"have you moved in with your mother-in-law? Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are the most difficult relationship in the world. I only meet my mother-in-law twice a year.
asking her to take care of your children and living under the same roof every day is going to make a big difference! "
even her mother-in-law saved her time for housework, giving her energy to prepare for the postgraduate entrance examination.
instead of the tit-for-tat confrontation between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, as predicted by her girlfriends, they have become more intimate.
in reality, we are often limited by our inherent thinking and are used to using our own ideas to measure whether other people's feelings will be happy and whether other people's actions are meaningful.
Sister Li, a colleague, often regards herself as a "big sister" and pays special attention to people and things in the office.
once, after lunch, she happened to see Tingting walking out with a book, so she turned around and said to her colleague:
"what's the use of reading a book all day long when you're over 30 years old?"
"Why are you so tired when you take a break at noon every day? you can't earn a penny more!"
in fact, when she came to the company from Tingting, she would find a quiet corner to read and write down during her lunch break, regardless of whether others were browsing videos or taking a nap.
over the past two years, she has shared more than 100 notes on the platform, became a cultural blogger and earned a sideline income.
there is a saying in Zhuangzi: "if you are not a fish, you will know the joy of fish."
what you think is useless may be the love of others, and others may enjoy what you think is a waste of time.
things in the world are numerous and complicated, and there is no distinction between the three values. In many cases, value does not have to be defined by money, and meaning does not need to be judged by others.
you know, everyone's values hide his experience.
Are you overwhelmed with the number of ball gowns for short ladies when shopping online? We have a huge selection of cuts and styles to choose from.
Life is diverse. No matter how we choose, we should not judge others by our own ideas. Remember, more understanding means more respect.
I have seen such a sentence: "there is no standard answer in this world, and there is not only one way to live."
I think so.
there are all kinds of things in the world, wind and rain changes, after all, we can not see the whole picture of a thing, nor can we know all the experiences of a person.
while sticking to yourself, we should also remember to respect others, not to judge from our own standpoint, not to guide by our own cognition, and not to measure them by our own values.
put aside prejudices and give each other more understanding and freedom.
, may we all precipitate ourselves and tolerate others for the rest of our lives.
No internal friction, no external demands, live a magnanimous life, and live a smooth life.
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