Never forcibly light a lamp for others
Never forcibly light a lamp for others
Long-term relationship requires mutual fulfillment and mutual achievement.


in life, there are always some people who like to regard themselves as "experienced people" and tell other people what to do about their lives.

if you want to invest and manage money, he laughs at you for being naive and always reminds you that you will be cut off by others.

if you want to work hard, he advises you to marry a good family at marriageable age and have a husband and raise children.

if you want to get a card for fitness, he says it's purely IQ tax, so you might as well go for a run in the park.

these people look like "life mentors". They seem reasonable, but they do not benefit themselves at the expense of others.

as Zhou Guoping said, "those who like to be teachers are meant to seek glory, but due to the lack of substance, they often develop into humiliation."

born to be a human being, be yourself and don't light other people's lamps at will.

Don't use your own standards to tell others what to do

the writer Han Songluo once said such a thing.

he has a friend named Lao Liu. Lao Liu does not have a job and lives at peace with the rest of the world. His livelihood depends entirely on the two properties left by his parents and collecting rent.

but the house is remote, the rent is not high, and his life is stretched.

Lao Liu has a unique skill in making pottery. The pottery he makes is so beautiful that everyone is amazed at it.

Han Songluo thinks that Lao Liu should not waste such craftsmanship. If he can sell his porcelain on the market, he will certainly get a good price.

so Han Songluo advised Lao Liu to rent pottery kilns, receive apprenticeships, produce in large quantities, and make use of media publicity and network sales.

Han Songluo went on and on as if it were a piece of cake.

he thought Lao Liu would be ecstatic when he heard this, but Lao Liu was stunned. Instead of being surprised, he was unwilling and completely unmoved.

for Lao Liu, what he yearns for is a simple and simple life. He just wants to indulge in pottery and live a low-key life.

but Han Songluo thinks that Lao Liu is unworthy and ungrateful.

there was a conflict between the two, and the relationship became estranged.

what you think of as a broad road may be the thorny road of others;

what you think of as a wonderful life may be the shackles of others' cages.

in life, each has its own way to go, and each has its own sea of hardships to cross.

you can't measure the path that others should take with your own footsteps.

if you always guide others with the idea of "for your own good", you will often end up losing both sides.

the greatest sobriety of adults is not to give advice in other people's lives.

you like your flowers blooming, and he pursues his freedom and comfort, so good.

like to keep reasoning, which is the lowest performance of EQ

psychologist Wu Zhihong said:

"the most ineffective effort in the world is to reason from the bottom of one's heart. The more reason you say, the more disgusted others are and the less willing they are to communicate with you. "

in life, we always want to "convince people with reason", but often blindly reason, it will only make people feel uncomfortable.

the more calmly we talk about the "right" truth, the easier it will be to misunderstand our emotional belonging to each other.

netizen Arley has shared his experience.

once, at a classmate reunion, he met an old classmate whom he had not met for a long time.

the classmate worked within the system, was highly motivated, went through all the difficulties all the way, and made a brilliant career.

the old classmates met very kindly and talked warmly about their careers. Throughout the chat process, he has been trying to persuade Arley to take the civil service examination.

Arley said that he likes his current working condition very much, the atmosphere of the company is very good, the development prospect is also good, and he has no plans to take the public examination for the time being.

however, the old classmate scoffed at what Arley said and said with a slight sense of superiority:

"your vision is too narrow, we are serving iron rice bowls, and enterprises must often need to work overtime, and some of them do not even have a provident fund. You will still face the risk of being fired. What future can you have?"

Alai laughed it off and said, "I know your welfare is good, but everyone has his own mind, and taking the public entrance examination is not my pursuit."

the old classmate still said:

"Don't you go to work to pursue stability and high pay, or to be a good person and do good deeds?"

Arley stopped answering when he was speechless for a moment.

after this, the atmosphere at the dinner table was extremely awkward.

there is a passage in the Shadow Theft: "you can't interfere in other people's lives, even for their own good, this is his life."

sometimes, blindly persuading others is also a kind of verbal violence.

constantly interfering with others will only push them to the opposite of you.

A wise man has long given up the desire to instruct others;

only foolish people will tirelessly reason with others.

after all, everyone has his own way of living, and there is no standard answer in this world.

understanding other people's choices and respecting other people's values is the greatest sobriety for adults.

it is better to respect each other's differences than to instruct others.

between people, with different experiences and different environments, they will have different attitudes and habits.

blindly ask others to act according to their own ideas.It is tantamount to forcing a cow to drink water, and the effect is often counterproductive.

the ideal relationship is that you know how to respect my differences. I can understand your difficulties and give each other full tolerance and space.

as Fu Seoul said: "the progress of ideas is to respect everyone's value order and life choices."

there is a newly married couple, the man is not spicy, but the woman will not eat spicy.

when they quarrel more, they don't eat together, but eat their own, and naturally there is less emotional communication.

once, when a woman went back to her mother's house for dinner, she found that her father would put a bowl of water in front of her before eating and rinse the vegetables in the water when eating.

my father explained that his taste is lighter now, while his mother likes to eat salty, so he rinses the vegetables in the water and the taste is light.

the woman was lost in thought and finished her meal without saying a word.

after returning home, the woman fried several dishes according to the man's taste and waited for the man to have dinner together after work.

when eating, the woman also put a bowl of water in front of her, picked up the dishes and rinsed them in the water.

the man said nothing and finished his meal in silence.

the next day, the woman came back from work and found that the man had cooked the meal and was waiting for her to come back to eat together.

but this time the food is not spicy at all.

the man put a plate of hot sauce in front of him, picked up the food and dipped it in it.

since then, there has been a lot of laughter and laughter at the dinner table, and the relationship between the two has improved a lot.

Le Jia once said: "We need to use addition and subtraction in life to reduce some edges and disputes, and increase some tolerance and adaptation."

everyone has different habits, which contain one's preferences and pursuits.

instead of blindly giving advice, it is better to shut up and listen and treat it rationally.

people who are really wise know that they are not self-centered and can be compatible with the preferences and choices of others.

if you insist on transforming others and want to make them the way you want them to be, life is bound to be full of conflicts and devastation.

only by understanding each other and respecting each other's personalities and habits can we achieve perfection and reap happiness.

not forcibly lighting a lamp for others is the most basic self-cultivation of adults

writer Lu Sihao said;

"one of the signs of a person's lack of self-cultivation is to go to other people's lives to tell them what to do, to easily influence other people's good mood and disturb other people's little happiness."

everyone has a unique understanding of the definition and perception of happiness, and everyone's pursuit of happiness is not the same.

do not instruct others at will, because you may not know his life, and your so-called good intentions may be a stumbling block to others' lives.

respecting other people's choices is the beginning of winning the respect of others.

A long-term relationship requires mutual fulfillment and mutual achievement.

, never forcibly light a lamp for others.

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