The journey of life, not everyone will go to the same place.
Mo Yan once talked about the origin of his pseudonym at the Nobel Prize for Literature ceremony.
he said bluntly that when he was a child herding cattle, he had nothing to do, so he liked to mind his own business and talk nonsense.
No matter who or what happens to him, he always cuts in, and as a result, he often gets into trouble.
the father told him in earnest: "son, you talk less and just take care of yourself."
so when he later began his career as a writer, he gave himself the pseudonym Mo Yan.
is to tell yourself to talk less and keep your mouth shut.
in fact, it is not only talking, but also dealing with the world.
when you try your best to meddle in other people's lives, you will only make yourself tired in the end.
just as the Analects of Confucius said, if you can't correct your body, how can you be a upright person?
if you don't live well enough, how can you ask for others?
the greatest sobriety of adults is to control themselves and restrain their desire to correct others.
manage well, don't instruct others
after Mo Yan became famous, many readers asked him to write an article dedicated to sharing his reading methods.
Mo Yan made two responses in his prose "miscellaneous talk about reading":
first of all, reading is like wearing clothes and eating, each has its own way, my guidance may affect your reading.
second, my daughter is in junior high school. I never give her lessons. Because of the change of times, my old method may not be suitable for her.
in Mo Yan's view, no matter the experience is outdated or the people are different, they should not easily give advice to others.
in fact, the same is true of being a man. Using your own experience to guide other people's lives is likely to lead them astray.
because of other people's happiness, you may not understand, and you may not know all about other people's difficulties.
Dong Yuhui once blamed himself in the studio:
"I try to get in touch with my brother as little as possible. As long as he doesn't get in touch, he won't react. All the difficulties in his life are caused by me."
originally, my younger brother had a job in his hometown, which was relatively easy, but he didn't earn much.
when Dong Yuhui learned about it, based on his own experience, he advised his younger brother to quit his job and go to a first-tier city to have some experience.
my younger brother followed the advice and stayed in Shanghai and Shenzhen for two years.
but because the pace of life is so fast that he often needs to work overtime until midnight, he is getting thinner and thinner.
he, who was too secure before, lacked the ability to work, so that his salary was very meagre.
in the end, he could not even pay the rent or support himself, so he had no choice but to go back to his hometown.
during the live broadcast, Dong Yuhui said with regret:
"I made a mistake in this, and I don't give advice anymore, because our biased, one-sided and narrow-minded ideas are not enough to guide other people's lives."
in life, many of us see the situation of others and unconsciously use our own understanding of the world to plan the future and give advice to others.
although it is sincerely "for your own good", it also ignores whether the other party is willing, necessary, and suitable, resulting in a big mistake.
Chen Zhong, a writer, once instructed others out of "kindness", but he turned out to be too repentant.
years ago, he received a letter from the countryside.
the sender attached an article of his own to ask if he could embark on the road of literature.
Chen Zhongzhong thought the article was insipid after reading it, but he still encouraged him to "your article is good" and continue to write.
when young people were encouraged, they gave up farming and devoted themselves to writing.
Chen Zhong also did not expect that his own random advice would hurt others for a lifetime.
Wang Zengqi once said in Sifang Food:
"you can avoid eating some things yourself, but don't object to others eating."
Don't think that whoever eats what you don't eat is outrageous. "
No one in the world has omniscience and omniscience, and everyone has limited cognition.
even the same life script may not be suitable for two different people.
Don't point other people's lives in the wrong direction because of your own one-sided ideas.
put away the pointing hand, less interference and more understanding.
to yourself, this is self-cultivation; to others, this is compassion.
watch your mouth and don't judge others
take a look at this picture first.
at first glance, do you think this is the word "NO"?
but when you look at the picture from a different angle.
it's actually a "YES".
as a matter of fact, the two pictures are just the same word, but some people think they are negative, others agree.
A picture can be seen differently from different angles.
life, it is difficult for us to have a "full perspective".
just like everyone has what they think, what they hear, what they see.
judging others casually from one's own one-sided perspective is the greatest malice to others.
Mo Yan told the story of Qin Guiying in his novel Red Lip and Green mouth.
one spring, the school asked the teacher to take the students downGrow rice in the field.
while working, the other students rolled up their trousers and jumped into the paddy field. Qin Guiying was the only one standing on the ridge of the field, looking embarrassed.
Miss Li, the head teacher, yelled at her.
I didn't know she was even more embarrassed and still refused to take off her shoes.
Miss Li decided in her heart that Qin Guiying was pretentious and not an industrious and simple child.
so Miss Li took the lead in ridiculing her in the field, "take off your embroidered shoes!"
the students also booed, saying that she had a young lady to make a pie.
the unbearable Qin Guiying went to the field with her shoes on.
after a while, a leech got into her shoes and clung to her feet.
in order to help her pull out the leeches, others dragged Qin Guiying and took off her shoes in public.
then everyone found out that both of her feet had six toes.
Miss Li, who learned the truth, felt very guilty. Despite repeated apologies, she still failed to heal Qin Guiying's pain.
there is a word in psychology called "halo effect".
when the moon is shrouded by a halo, it will produce a blurred halo, making it difficult for the naked eye to see the true face of the moon.
in fact, each of us has such a halo.
if you judge others at will on the basis of your first sense, most of the results will be fallacies that are partial to the whole.
because most of the time, we can only see the tip of the iceberg, not the surging tide at the bottom of the sea.
facing others, keeping your mouth shut and not making random comments is the highest level of self-cultivation.
take care of your feet so as not to disturb others
not long ago, I saw a post on the Internet.
when the blogger went to climb Huashan, he saw the bearer walking on the steep steps carrying more than 100 jin of goods.
seeing that the bearer was so tired and sweating, he sympathized and asked the bearer if he needed any help, but the bearer said no.
he thought the bearer was polite, so he went straight up and brought down the bearer's goods.
the bearer's walking rhythm of carrying heavy objects was suddenly disrupted and fell heavily on the steps.
bloggers help out of kindness, but from the standpoint of the picker, such help is a mess.
Shi Tiesheng said that most of the things in the world are out of blind worry, which has evolved from blind worry to confusion.
to get along with others, sometimes good intentions for no reason will only disturb the rhythm of others.
during the Wei and Jin dynasties, Ji Kang and Shan Tao were both "seven sages of bamboo forest".
the two share the same temperament and often recite poems and poems together and talk freely about life.
Ji Kang married Cao Cao's great-granddaughter.
in order to stay out of trouble, Ji Kang wanted to live in seclusion.
but Shan Tao feels that his friends are very talented and should not be buried in the mountains.
so he secretly recommended Ji Kang to the emperor.
when Ji Kang learned this, he was so angry that he wrote "A letter of severing diplomatic Relations with Shan Juyuan" and announced that he had severed diplomatic ties with Shantao ever since.
their friendship for many years was instantly broken because of Shantao's random intervention.
there is a sentence in the Shadow Theft:
"you can't interfere in other people's lives, even for their own good."
between people, the position is different, the choice will be different.
when you get along with others, never put your feet into other people's shoes.
No matter they are close relatives or friends, non-interference and non-interference are the most lasting glue of emotion.
I like a sentence very much: not everyone will go to the same place in the journey of life.
the route will be different depending on the destination.
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when you use your own route to plan other people's lives, it will only disrupt their itinerary.
people walk in the world, do not easily evaluate, do not give random advice, do not interfere excessively.
to take good care of yourself, not to cross others, to make room for others, is also to save dignity for yourself.
this book is published under authorization.