There's nothing wrong with being willing to help others, but let others see your bottom line.
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likes a word mentioned in the fascinating offer very much-- "refuse to do business".
as the name implies, it is the ability to refuse when others make unreasonable requests.
in life, we often make ourselves very tired because we are embarrassed to refuse others and promise to do something we don't want to do.
in fact, those who live a thorough life have long learned to say "no" to unreasonable requests.
as the TV series "only Thirty" said: "A person who doesn't know how to refuse, all your acceptance is cheap."
most of the time, only when you know how to refuse can you live without entanglement.
how tired is life if you don't know how to refuse?
half a year ago, Xiao Zhou, an old classmate, was transferred to a new position, but it wasn't long before he was admitted to the hospital because of stomach trouble.
Why is this?
it turns out that Xiao Zhou's new department is very fond of activities, and Xiao Zhou will not refuse every department dinner in order to have a good relationship with his new colleagues.
after several wine games, Xiao Zhou gradually felt a little uncomfortable, but he always comforted himself: if you put up with it any longer, you'll get used to it.
until one day when he came home after drinking, Xiao Zhou suddenly felt a severe stomachache.
his family rushed him to the hospital, and the diagnostic report showed that Xiao Zhou had acute gastric bleeding because he drank too much.
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for this reason, Xiao Zhou lay in the hospital for two weeks before he recovered.
after this lesson, Xiao Zhou no longer dared to join the liquor bureau of the department casually.
unexpectedly, some tricky colleagues began to take advantage of the topic, saying that Xiao Zhou had grievances in his heart and deliberately did not participate in the activity.
this makes it difficult for Xiao Zhou to argue, and many of his colleagues gradually alienate him.
it's really sad that things have come to this point.
sometimes, the more you respond to every request, the less others will take you seriously.
like the "marginal diminishing effect" in economics, the more you give, the less experience you feel.
those who live in distress tend to put their posture too low at the beginning, so that they are finally caught, leaving the impression that they are inconsistent in doing things.
people who are really good never wronged themselves.
they know very well that moderate rejection can make people see your attitude, and that they can only make their bottom line clear if they are not in a hurry to compromise.
when dealing with unreasonable requirements, you should say "no" decisively in order to be confident in being a person and doing things.
simply refusing can reduce trouble by 99%
Sister Yan recently failed her investment and owed a huge debt.
although Sister Yan didn't want to borrow it, she was afraid of hurting her feelings, so she could only vaguely tell her relatives that she would think of a way.
it took a week for Sister Yan to remember to borrow money until her relatives called.
there was no way. Sister Yan could only tell her relatives that she owed money for her investment, and there was really nothing left to help him.
but when relatives heard Sister Yan's explanation, they were a little annoyed.
it turns out that Sister Yan's previous promise made relatives think they could be trusted and waited for her until three days before the payment.
if Sister Yan hadn't promised her relatives, the relatives could have borrowed money from others.
now, Sister Yan is in an awkward position.
thus it can be seen that those who really do not have the ability to do must be rejected directly at the very beginning.
as Sanmao said:
"when a person asks for something, he already has two answers in mind."
therefore, it is to be expected to give him any answer.
A quick refusal will enable the other person to find a more suitable way in time.
if you are ambiguous, it will not only waste each other's time, but also hurt each other's feelings.
in many cases, learn the necessary rejection in order to avoid 99% of the trouble.
moderate selfishness is the smartest way to live
as Bai Yansong said, "people's value comes from refusal." Refusing can make you more precious. "
just the right refusal can make people understand what's on your mind and give you more respect.
I like a sentence very much: refusal is a thing that can make you feel powerful.
Chinese people pay attention to human etiquette, and many people often feel embarrassed when they refuse others.
in fact, rejection is your right, and you don't have to blame yourself for it.
here are a few ways to say no, hoping to give you a sense of elegance and decency when dealing with people.
consider your own needs before agreeing to others
Why do you want to refuse others? Everyone has his own reasons.
maybe it's not sociable, maybe it's a conflict, maybe it's physical discomfort.
if it is an objective reason, you can speak calmly and gain understanding.
if it is subjective, the practice can be decided on a case-by-case basis.
if it's something very important, it's best to say yes, but if it's something you don't want to do, just say no.
after all, one needs to have a little temper in order to be ambitious.
appropriate humor, euphemistic refusal
Lin Lin once asked mysteriously when her friend asked about the matter, "can you keep it a secret?"
the friend replied, "of course I can."
Lin Lin said, "then I can, too."
A question and answer not only shows his attitude, but also cleverly defuses the embarrassment.
similarly, when it comes to things that hit the bottom line, we can also ease the atmosphere with appropriate humor.
learn to "bargain", so that your help will not be cheap
in life, we often encounter such a situation:
because you are good at PPT, you do the PPT of everyone in the office; because you are good at copywriting, you write the speeches of the whole department.
if there is a reward, it is barely reasonable; if it is free, it will cost us a lot of time and energy.
Batman says, "if you're good at one thing, you can't do it for free."
when you help others, you can make some small requests, such as a cup of milk tea, a small red packet, and so on.
pay attention to going back and forth, so that others dare not take advantage of you casually.
Bi Shumin once said:
"refusal is a right. If you are so easy to talk, who can understand you?"
Life is not easy. Many times, you give up your precious time and are squeezed by those who take advantage of your kindness.
Life is not easy. Reasonable refusal is not only a responsibility to yourself, but also a sign of maturity.
Smart people know what they want and don't want, and never wronged themselves for fear of offending others.
it is precisely because they know how to sort out the people and things they do not like, so that their life will be better and better.
the rest of life is very expensive. May we all have the courage to refuse, hold the bottom line, not easily injure ourselves, and live a comfortable and comfortable life.