Appreciation of a person begins with appearance, respects talent, matches character, lasts longer than kindness, and ends with character.
what kind of woman is the most charming and worthy of deep acquaintance?
believes that it is not easy for a woman to keep calm on the following four things.
keep a secret in the face of secrets
"Don't tell secrets to anyone, especially women."
from a psychological point of view, women are not good at keeping secrets because women are born to gossip.
A survey found that most women can keep secrets for no more than 47 hours.
one reader said that she only found out yesterday that her best friend had told others her secret. She was so upset that she really wanted to find a hole to get in.
when I remembered that my best friend had said, "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," I felt a chill and decided to sever diplomatic relations with her.
in fact, when people are talking, the consciousness of the brain will selectively express some of your ideas.
but some people can't help but share other people's secrets with others as soon as they get emotional without thinking about it.
over time, the secret blew through the whole forest like a gust of wind.
they may also know that this kind of behavior will hurt each other, or they may feel remorseful afterwards, but because of their weak self-control, they can't control their "big mouth" and get into trouble accidentally.
and the more rigorous and reliable people are, the more they can strictly choose what they want to say and control their expression.
on the other hand, the reason is more obscure. I wonder if you have found that some people tell others their secrets in order to highlight their self-worth and satisfy their vanity.
psychologist Nicole Prier said:
"divulge other people's secrets and attract the attention of the listener, and the leaker will gain a sense of existence in an instant."
when a person tells others something unknown, others will pay special attention to him, discuss with him enthusiastically, and think he is very powerful.
at this time, the leaker will gain a sense of achievement.
however, the other person trusts you to tell you your privacy, but you base your happiness on selling other people's privacy, and then turn around and reveal his secret to the public.
this will not only embarrass the parties, but also trample on their own character.
Women who can resist impulses and keep secrets for others in the face of temptation are usually more rational, have a strong sense of self-control and a strong sense of responsibility, can take care of each other's feelings, live up to the trust of others, and know the principle of keeping their mouth shut. Can also win the trust and love of more people.
"she must have picked up on the rich, otherwise how could she afford to buy a famous bag?"
"people get promoted because of their beauty, and inviting everyone to dinner is just to show off."
"their children are not good at reading. They are going to pheasant university."
Select short purple bridesmaid dresses to mirror your unique sense of innovative fashion. Why don’t you pick the cheap but high quality dress?
in life, you always meet women like this:
like to gossip, make something out of nothing, rely on their own one-sided understanding, but add to others to make an after-dinner pastime.
they may be nosy, maybe they are biased against others, they are self-righteous in telling others what to do, and they label people as true or false.
however, the more right and wrong a person says, the more muddy the heart becomes.
Women who often gossip behind their backs, like intrigue and slander others are usually narrow-minded, malicious to the people around them, and can be narrow-minded to haggle over pennies.
A woman's words often reflect her inner voice.
this embodies what psychology calls "projection effect".
that is, people are often used to analyzing and judging others by taking what they think in their hearts as the standard.
affected by this effect, people with good intentions and good hearts are more likely to see the sparkle of others, while narrow-minded people tend to think of others as extremely dark.
and the more self-centered people are, the more likely they are to attack others when they are slightly unhappy.
therefore, a well-intentioned and cultured woman will not judge others at will. Even if she has an opinion about the people around her, she will think rationally, find out the truth, and try to communicate and solve problems in private.
Don't show off everywhere
people are expressive and eager to get the attention and recognition of others.
however, some people begin to get carried away and show off everywhere when they have made achievements or when they are in a better situation than those around them.
this kind of people are often very empty inside. They care about the evaluation of the outside world and are too eager to be affirmed by others. Only in this way can they satisfy their vanity and find the value of their own existence.
but this kind of show-off mode, virtually puts on a high posture, ignores the feelings of others, mercilessly suppresses others, making people boring.
A sense of superiority is like underwear. You can't show it everywhere.
Don't fall the worst when you are at your brightest. Only by knowing the limits of interpersonal communication can you have a good relationship.
Uncle wants to say that showing off wealth, showing off knowledge and showing off happiness in front of people is a sign of immaturity and is easy to set you on fire.
for example, some people know that you have a lot of money, so they always want to ask you for food, borrow money, take advantage of it, and think it's a piece of cake for you.
Psychological research on "jealousy" shows that people often do notIt is easy to envy people who have nothing to do with them, but it is easy to envy those people they know. Seeing that they are better than themselves is more likely to cause psychological imbalance.
so be careful. Some people who are jealous of you will covet your fame and wealth, and may even do bad things secretly and set traps to hurt you.
in fact, Uncle thinks that most of the time the problem lies not in the sense of superiority, but in the way it is output.
that is, you can't express your sense of superiority in inappropriate ways such as arrogance, mockery, showing off, suppressing others, etc.
your husband is very sweet, so don't show your love in front of divorced friends all the time.
if you have a successful career and earn one million a year, don't always ask others how much you earn.
if you travel to many countries, don't laugh at the other person for not having eaten German sausages. You don't know how beautiful the Louvre is.
A woman with real meaning and grade will not show off what she has in a high profile, but will show it naturally between her every move.
they are sober and rational, and they will not be surprised because they get something, knowing that the present harvest is not easy to come by. If they want to keep it, they have to constantly improve themselves, and they will be more cautious in their words and deeds.
they know that the positive thing that superiority brings is--
is confidence and humility.
after all, it is the king to make yourself strong quietly.
Don't complain when you encounter problems
in general, women have a stronger desire to talk and prefer to express their emotions in words.
but some people gradually form the habit of complaining, full of bitterness:
when you encounter a little problem at work, you start to sell miserably; if something goes wrong in your marriage, you complain to your friends.
if you listen carefully, you will find that what she is complaining about is nothing but trivial matters.
but when it came to her mouth, it was like a deadly event.
like Sister Xianglin, she opened her wound again and again to show you. As long as she was in a bad mood, she poured out bitterness regardless of each other's feelings, complaining about bad luck and unfair fate. It seemed that the whole world owed her.
Uncle believes that such people often share a common psychological trait:
that is the lack of clear self-awareness.
they only throw the blame on others, but never find a reason for themselves, let alone change their lives with their own hands.
A survey asked: which one do you choose between being single or a partner who loves you but complains?
as a result, 70% of men decisively chose to be single, and most women made the same choice.
everyone wants to be a sunflower, no one wants to be an emotional trash can.
nine times out of ten, life is unsatisfactory, and it is natural to complain occasionally, but blindly complaining without facing the reality is to shirk the responsibility.
writer Sanmao once said: "complaining about life once in a while may be a catharsis of some kind of emotion." But people who habitually complain without seeking change are not smart people. "
complaining that you can't solve any problems will make you feel out of balance, get caught up in negative emotions, and cause other people's discomfort, which will not only make them worry and stay away, but also greatly reduce their own image.
the lower the level of women, the more like to spread negative energy, hoping that everyone will love her, but complain more and more bitterness, or try to transfer their own unhappiness to others.
and high-level women, who have positive energy and the ability to change themselves, do not always complain to others in the face of troubles. They not only do not regard each other as emotional trash cans, but also provide each other with high emotional value. People can't help but want to get close.
getting along with her is like a spring breeze.
over time, the more positive the emotions others give her, so they can attract more beautiful people and things, which is the "law of attraction" in psychology.
appreciation of a person begins with appearance, respects talent, matches character, lasts longer than kindness, and ends with character.
believes that women who can keep secrets, do not gossip, do not like to show off, and solve problems calmly are really not easy.
author: du Yanxin, London University, England
one book a week is released by authorization.