A really good relationship should be able to share weal and woe with happiness and take care of each other.
Bai Juyi once wrote in his poem:
"the road is difficult, not in the water, not in the mountains, but only in the repetition of human feelings."
that is, the rugged road is calm compared with the fickleness of the human heart.
it is true that human feelings are unpredictable.
some people are lucky and the people around them are more reasonable, but others are not so lucky and meet some annoying relatives and neighbors.
the ancients used to say, "two neighbors do not make friends, but three relatives do not leave."
interpersonal contact also needs to be carefully chosen. When you meet the following types of people, please stay away.
neighbors with bad family habits
No matter where you live, you can't live without neighborhoods, but some neighbors have a really bad family style, so that people can't afford to like them at all.
for example, family members are gluttonous and lazy, often do some sneaky things, or always take advantage of the neighborhood, chatter and haggle when they encounter something, or live a disorderly life and like to bully others.
this is the corruption of the family style and the debt of virtue.
When you wear one of our periwinkle blue bridesmaid dresses, you show your beauty and your sense of style. There are different cuts and styles to choose from.
to argue with them at all. once there is a conflict, they will swear at you and scold you to everyone.
the three-character Sutra says, "Mother Simeng, choose your neighbor."
many people have heard the story of Meng's mother's three migrations.
Meng's mother is aware of the impact of the surrounding interpersonal environment on her children, so she has moved many times to find a good neighborhood.
very often, we have no way to evade some neighbors by moving like Meng's mother.
what we can do is to live a good life, usually less contact with them, so as not to affect ourselves and our families.
neighbors who like to pry about privacy
I don't know if you have such a neighbor:
when there is something wrong with anyone's family, they have no scruples to inquire about it, and others do not want to talk about it, but also ask endlessly.
after asking, add to it and publicize it everywhere.
or some neighbors, under the banner of caring about you, constantly inquire about your family affairs, words and deeds have no sense of proportion, so that people do not know how to continue.
this is typical of watching the hustle and bustle is not too big, like to other people's experience as a joke, take other people's privacy as a conversation material.
there is a saying in "fanatics":
"when one can't deal with his own mess, he is more eager to meddle in other people's private affairs."
indeed, always prying into other people's privacy, such people, either EQ is low, or bad-minded, either way, it is uncomfortable to get along.
people with real qualities must not talk about privacy, reveal their shortcomings, and know how to keep distance and boundaries in dealing with people. This is the person worth dating.
for neighbors who like to pry into people's privacy, try not to invade the river.
relatives, who are related to us by blood, can take care of each other and help each other at critical times.
therefore, it is very necessary to walk around more at ordinary times.
but relatives are also classified into categories, and not all of them are worth walking about.
those snobbish relatives, dealing with them, will only waste their own time and feelings.
on Zhihu, I saw some netizens complaining about their cousins:
during the most difficult time in their family, the aunt's family paid no attention to them and usually hung up in a hurry for fear of asking them for help.
nowadays, the living conditions of their families are gradually improving, so they call to help these and other people every now and then.
I have come to my house many times, and every time I take a fancy to something, I am bound to take it away. If you don't give it to me, they will tell others that you are stingy.
in response to that sentence, the poor have no one to ask in the busy city, and the rich have distant relatives in the mountains.
for snobbish relatives, how much affection depends on how much they can benefit from you.
you don't recognize your relatives but money. When you are in trouble, you are even colder than strangers. When you get along well, you welcome them warmly.
even if such relatives do not renounce each other, there is no need to bother to move around.
the ancients said, "the grace of dripping water is rewarded by Yongquan."
but some people will not only not be grateful, but ask for too much, and if you snub, they will blame you.
I think of Mr. Gong in "settling down". When he encountered cash flow difficulties, he planned to sell his house, but was blocked by his aunt and aunt.
they are distant relatives of Mr. Gong. At first, Grandpa Gong saw that they had nowhere to go, so he kindly accepted them to live in his spare room.
now they hear that the house is going to be sold. Instead of moving away immediately, they want to keep the house for themselves.
"Sheng Mien, fighting rice feud", is talking about this kind of person.
other people's kind help, not only not grateful, but also deliberately entangled, think that you should be good to him, once you do not give him help, treat you as an enemy.
in getting along with each other, the most chilling behavior is ingratitude, if the other party is their own relatives, then the harm will only double.
so, in the face of ungrateful relatives, you must keep your distance and don't spoil their greed and bring unhappiness to yourself.
relatives who fall out and don't recognize people
when I came home last week, I heard my mother say that my father was very angry with his distant uncle.
it started four years ago, when my cousin's son got married.Ready to buy a house, the money is still a little short, he asked his father to borrow 30,000, the father did not hesitate to give it.
but up to now, my uncle hasn't said anything about paying back the money.
our family is living a tight life this year because of bad business, but my uncle still has the money to travel, so my father mentioned it.
Today, if you learn from a lesson, you can only pay for a lesson. Never be soft on such a person in the future.
there is a good saying:
"True relatives are not determined by blood relationship, but by your heart." There is only one kind of relatives in this world, and that is those who care about you and love you. "
he only takes, doesn't know how to give, and likes to default on his debts. No matter how good you are to him at ordinary times, as long as there is one thing that doesn't go well with him, he turns his face and disregards others.
such relatives would rather not have.
A really good relationship is to be able to share happiness and adversity, reciprocate with each other, and take care of each other.
the value of both neighbors and relatives lies in sincerity.
in daily communication, you should know how to distinguish and know who should be separated, so that you can live a harmonious and smooth life.
, good night.