Managing marriage is not only a discipline, but also requires some wisdom.
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see a divorce case on the Internet:
the woman waited on her husband all her life, giving up her job for him and concentrating on taking care of the children and housework at home.
she is very frugal with herself. after so many years of marriage, she is reluctant to buy herself an expensive dress.
at the age of 56, she suffered from diabetes. Her husband not only turned a deaf ear, but also filed for divorce.
she cried and disagreed, but her husband had made up his mind to go and finally left.
on the day of moving, my husband moved away all kinds of valuable things, such as washing machine, refrigerator, TV set, sofa and so on.
looking at the empty room, she realized that she had very few things.
all along, the focus of her life revolves around her husband and son.
now that her husband has moved away and her son is studying out of town, she is suddenly at a loss as to what to do and doesn't know how to live her life.
makes people sigh.
A happy and long-term marriage is what everyone yearns for, but the reality is not always satisfactory.
although each unhappy marriage has its own misfortune, there are still some common reasons.
here are a few truths about marriage that I hope will give you a heads-up.
"who to marry is really different"
there is a sociological concept called "social clock".
refers to the time nodes in a person's life at which important actions should take place.
in popular words, it means "what to do at what age".
is there such a sound around you:
people of your age have children, why don't you get married?
just find someone similar, stop picking;
We all make do with each other and spend the rest of our lives with anyone.
many people hastily choose marriage due to the influence of the "social clock", or the urging of their parents, or the pressure around them, or the anxiety of their age.
you can't understand until you are really married:
it's really different to choose who to marry. Someone will be your light, and someone will put out your light.
if your temper is getting worse and worse, it is not necessarily that your character is getting worse, but that you have met the wrong person.
this reminds me of Zhou Rong's two marriages in the TV series "the World".
Zhou Rong's first marriage was with the poet Feng Huacheng.
since they returned to Zhou Rong's hometown for development, they have been in constant conflict and often had fierce quarrels.
finally, Feng Huacheng had an affair and Zhou Rong divorced, ending this painful marriage.
but after forming a new marriage with Cai Xiaoguang, she has become more and more reasonable, mature and tolerant.
when her brother Zhou Bingkun was short of money, she cobbled together 80,000 yuan and sent it to her.
when Cai Xiaoguang encounters difficulties at work, he will attend dinner without telling him to fight for opportunities for him.
all these changes are largely due to marrying the right person.
Marriage is a major event in a lifetime, so don't believe that it's the same to marry anyone.
marry the right person, your life will be full of sunshine and warmth;
marry the wrong person and your world will be full of haze and cold.
We form marriages with our partners for happiness, not to meet other people's expectations, let alone to make do.
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if marriage brings us more internal friction, fatigue and pain.
not as good as, choose to stop the loss in time, let yourself go, but also let others go.
"seen, it is the best sense of security for marriage"
some netizens said that she began to sympathize with her mother when she took a taxi.
the driver laughed and said contemptuously, "what is there to cry about when a woman does housework?"
the netizen was stupefied for a moment, then suddenly realized:
perhaps the most collapsing thing in a marriage is not the tedious housework, but that no one sees what you do.
they take it for granted that this is your task and what you should do.
and can not understand your hard work, but think that doing housework is a very easy thing.
just like in the novel Jin Zhiying born in 1982, Jin Zhiying can't move to see a doctor because of a pain in her wrist.
the doctor told her to take more rest and not to use her wrists too often. Jin Zhiying replied:
"but I have to take care of the children, do the laundry and clean the house." It's impossible not to use a wrist. "
the doctor smiled when he heard this:
"now there are washing machines and vacuum cleaners for washing clothes, aren't they? What on earth is so hard for women nowadays? "
there is a word called "invisible housework". In addition to cooking, washing dishes and cleaning, there are a lot of unnoticed housework.
the dirty clothes will not go into the washing machine by themselves, the dustbin will not put on the new bag by itself, and the washed clothes will not be put away by themselves.
but these, few people will see, let alone take the initiative to do, to appreciate your efforts.
there is a saying in "Love, need to learn":
"in intimate relationships, we are not afraid to give, nor are we afraid to give.Afraid to change for each other, afraid of their own efforts have not been seen, did not get the due return. "
there is no such thing as taking it for granted in this world.
behind all this, of course, there is a man walking silently with a heavy load.
however, housework is the housework of two people, and the efforts of one person cannot support the marriage of two people.
A good marriage can love each other.
she understands that your work is not easy, you can also see her efforts, her hard work, and take the initiative to participate.
the nature of marriage is more about the desire to be seen by the other party.
and being seen is the best sense of security of marriage.
"Women, you have to be yourself."
have you found such a phenomenon:
in a family, a mother who gives her heart to her child, does her duty and does everything herself is not very popular with her children.
on the contrary, the father, who cares nothing and cares about nothing, is loved by his children.
once watched a mediation program, a couple had a lot of friction because of the problem of educating their children.
A mother is strict and strict with her daughter since she was a child.
under her strict requirements, her daughter performed very well in her grades, talent and other aspects.
but it is this strict requirement that makes the relationship between my daughter and her fall to a freezing point.
there are frequent conflicts and quarrels, and she even hit her daughter.
on the other hand, the father not only doesn't care about his daughter's studies, but also helps his daughter to disagree with her.
is obviously for the good of the children, obviously is the one who worries the most, but in the end it becomes thankless and no one likes it.
Why is this happening?
may be explained by the "over-limit effect" in psychology.
it refers to the phenomenon of rebellious psychology caused by excessive stimulation or acting for too long.
Children's education is a self-cultivation of parents.
what it needs is the cooperation of two people, not an one-man show.
but more importantly, in addition to these roles, you are still yourself.
you can try to play the role of a mother, but at the same time you should leave some space for yourself and learn to be yourself.
to pay attention to your heart, your joys and sorrows, your happiness and unhappiness.
when it comes to educating your children, try to get your partner involved. It's better for two people to discuss things than to support them alone.
Don't do everything, don't interfere too much in your children's lives, and pay more attention to yourself.
the movie Sex and the City says:
"I am determined to seize every day, enjoy every day, not afraid of aging, not afraid of change and disappointment, no matter how old I am, I can maintain my naive heart and have a chance of happiness, as long as I don't give up."
people live all their lives for the sake of happiness and to be a better self.
instead of passively living what others expect, it is better to take the initiative to live and fulfill yourself.
to live into a beam of light, to live what you want most.
writer Lei Lingyan once said, "Marriage is like wearing shoes. Only the feet know whether it is comfortable or not."
Marriage is like drinking water, knowing whether it is warm or cold.
A good marriage can nourish us in love and make each other the best of ourselves.
A bad marriage not only consumes the once good feelings, but also damages each other's physical and mental health.
running marriage is not only a discipline, but also requires some wisdom.
because of feelings, it is not wishful thinking, but a rational game.
learn to let go, occasionally be lazy, let your partner participate in housework and participate in educating children.
A marriage that goes both ways and participates together can go farther and longer.
May we all have the wisdom to manage marriage and the ability to live a good life.