Don't cross the line, don't cross the line, be intimate, and be to each other.
there is a saying in the Little Prince:
"there is only one real luxury in the world, and that is the relationship between people."
when you are alive, true feelings are rare and human feelings are hard to return.
the more we relate to each other, the more we should pay attention to distance and moderation.
No matter how deep the emotion is, if you ignore the scale and cross the line frequently, the relationship will turn on a red light.
No matter how strong the human feelings are, if you are free to overdraw and profligate, your emotional account will return to zero.
No relationship as a bargaining chip, no human bets, is a person's greatest sobriety.
Don't cross the line frequently because of a good relationship
Zeng Qifeng, an expert in psychology, once said:
"the boundary of the cliff is clear, so we won't get too close.
but the boundaries of water are blurred, so people often drown to death.
all troubles and conflicts between people originate from inadvertently breaking through boundaries. "
in life, we often think that our relationship is stable, so we can't help but cross the line again and again.
do not realize that every temptation in the abyss will accelerate the downfall of a relationship.
the big taboo for people to interact with others is to use relationships as bargaining chips, ignoring boundaries and knowing where to stop.
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when Jessica's house expires in the American TV series newcomers, her best friend Honey kindly invites their family to stay in her house.
but then the performance of the Jessica family ruined their friendship.
when Jessica got up early in the morning, Jessica lay on the sofa in the living room, watching TV and chatting.
and her three sons are even more surprising.
some people lie on the ground and read their own books, and do not even say hello to others.
some privately set up horizontal bars on other people's door frames;
Honey can't help complaining:
"do you really think this is your own home?"
they thought they would rein in after the warning.
unexpectedly, the Jessica family still went their own way and did not restrain.
Honey couldn't stand it and flew into a rage:
"I've had enough! First you moved in with the whole family and occupied my whole house.
"I regard you as family. There is no trouble between the family. There is no need to thank you."
Jessica's unrepentant, the friendship finally inevitably broke up.
there is a term in psychology called "out-of-limit effect".
refers to a phenomenon that causes extreme psychological boredom and rebellious emotion under high and continuous stimulation.
many people are like this, thinking that they are familiar with each other, so they unscrupulously try again and again in other people's restricted areas.
do not know that too close, the boundary will become blurred.
approach when it is time to approach, avoid when it is time to avoid.
leave both space for each other and leeway for yourself.
there is a degree of closeness and closeness, and maturity does not exceed the moment, so that the relationship can be evergreen, new and permanent.
Don't think that you are so human that you can overdraw at will
We have all met such people in our lives:
send a message late at night just to let you "cut a knife" in a group buying activity, and accuse you of being "not good enough" if you don't help.
if you can do something with money, you must go around and ask for help. After being rejected, you will say that you are "impersonal".
in order to satisfy one's own self-interest, squeeze the people around you as a "bad head" at will, and say that you "don't miss the old love" if you are a little snub.
if you think you are human, you can take it wantonly and spoil it.
my friend Xiaoyu once talked about his own experience.
years ago, he saved money to buy a car, thinking that the arrival of a private car would bring a lot of convenience to life.
but since the relative's third aunt found out about this, Xiaoyu's life has been in constant trouble.
every time she returned to her hometown, she took it for granted that Xiaoyu reserved a parking space for herself, even if she had a bus.
because of the affection of relatives, Xiaoyu is difficult to refuse, but this has become an excuse for the third auntie to ask maliciously.
when she can't go shopping, she will let Xiao Yu pick her up.
when she returned to her son's house, she directed Xiao Yu Rami with noodles without burden;
when she meets acquaintances, she always shows people to sit down without the consent of Xiaoyu.
physical and mental exhaustion of Xiaoyu, after a night of overtime, but also by the third aunt's deadly serial call, let him hurry to the station to pick up a friend.
in a fit of anger, he chose to block the third aunt and stop seeing each other.
likes a sentence very much:
"the relationship between people is like a deposit, there is a certain limit.
however, there are always some people who do "moral kidnapping" under the guise of "human feelings" in exchange for their own convenience.
virtually, it not only increases the cost of getting along with each other, but also lowers one's own status.
until the human currency is wasted, no matter how good the relationship is, it will be difficult to sustain.
it is easier to borrow a human favor than to return it, but a relationship is easier to borrow than to maintain.
instead of going to a lot of trouble to find a human shortcut, noIf you take some pains to maintain your relationship account.
truly long-term relationships are good at managing emotional accounts
Stephen Covey said in the Seven habits of highly effective people:
"you must see every interpersonal relationship as an opportunity to deposit money in other people's emotional accounts."
if you only take away and do not exist, the relationship will eventually fade away; only by taking and saving can the friendship last forever.
the "immortal" friendship that Liu Jianhong and Jay Chou have maintained for many years is a good proof.
when Jay Chou made his debut, Liu Yihong was already a well-known star in the industry.
in order to increase revenue and reduce expenditure, Jay Chou often lives in Liu Jianhong's recording studio, while wearing his clothes and eating his bento.
even though Jay Chou was not famous at that time, Liu Jiehong never disliked him.
not only take care of his diet and daily life, but also help him expand his social circle and strive for performance opportunities for him.
when Jay Chou did not perform well on the stage for the first time, it was Liu Jiehong who quietly went backstage and begged the staff to let each other try again, which made "Black humor" available.
Liu Jiehong's emotional investment in Jay Chou has also earned himself multiple "dividends" of friendship.
after Jay Chou became famous, he lived up to Liu Yihong, who accompanied him for a long time.
he not only wrote songs many times to commemorate their friendship, but also spared no effort to promote Liu Xihong and even each other's wife Wang Wanfei.
in Jay Chou's MV, Liu Yihong and Wang Wanfei have appeared many times.
in addition, Jay Chou takes Liu Mihong with him on the show and in the movie, and he and his wife are invited to participate in every singing tour.
if you nourish me, I will repay you for three points.
return the favor, come and go, and the relationship between the two has been renewed for a long time.
some people say:
"it is even more difficult for people to share adversity and hardship, and to share wealth and honor."
there is no meeting or leaving for no reason.
all people who have experienced the cold and warm of the world side by side, but the relationship is still determined as before, all know how to "save emotional accounts".
as Shakespeare said:
"Friends must help each other in adversity before it can be said to be true friendship."
when others are down, don't be stingy about "investing" in others; when you are developed, don't forget to "recharge" your emotional account.
only with reciprocity can the relationship be stable and long-term.
there is a discussion group on "intimacy phobia" online, in which there is a sentence:
"although the human relationship is good, it should not be abused; no matter how deep the relationship is, it should not be overdrawn."
always remember to get along with others:
Don't test the depth of the relationship by crossing the line; don't test the concentration of human feelings by overdrawing.
at the same time, not only do not give up every opportunity to "save", but also live up to the sincerity of every "investment".
after all, relationships can only be stable when there is temperature, and emotional accounts can only be full if there is a response.
, for the rest of our lives, may we not only have a clear understanding of the dimensions and boundaries of the relationship, but also maintain the quota and entry and exit of our feelings.
Don't cross the line, don't cross the line, be intimate, and be nice to each other.