Only when you know how to cherish it and treat it with your heart, you won't regret it after breaking up.
in recent days, the topic of marriage and love has frequently rushed into hot searches.
first, anxiety was caused by "young people are less willing to marry", and then there was a "rising divorce rate of middle-aged couples".
some netizens joked about this:
"rather than the capriciousness of the young, the old husband and wife leave the field in the middle of the game, which is more worth pondering."
but we forget that marriage is like a game, winning or losing depends on luck.
when there is an irreparable rift in an intimate relationship, divorce becomes the last dignity of two people.
so, can everyone live the way they like after divorce?
different people have different answers.
some people choose to remarry, but they are confused because they don't know their loved ones; some people choose not to marry, and they can be beautiful alone when no one is with them.
so, if you choose to divorce after middle age, which husband and wife will suffer more?
the question is realistic, but the answer is not human.
only if you know how to cherish it and treat it attentively, you won't regret it after breaking up.
people who are unkind are more likely to regret after divorce
"it was only after the divorce that I found out that my ex was good."
A netizen on Zhihu shared his story, which made people feel deeply.
at the beginning, he filed for divorce. After the divorce formalities, he said goodbye to his wife.
the comparison of the state of the two people at that moment also becomes extremely ironic:
he looks like a white-collar in a suit and tie, while his wife is out of shape in order to take care of her small family and stay away from the workplace.
he feels that with his own conditions, he can meet better people, while his ex-wife has no advantage in the "marriage market."
after the divorce, he began to drink and have fun with his friends frequently. Without phone calls, he could stay up all night. He had a very pleasant time.
he regretted that he had only been happy for a month.
when he returned to his empty home, there were only deteriorating ingredients in the refrigerator, and he could not cook; the house was such a mess that he had no idea where to start; and a pile of clothes were left in the washing machine.
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it turns out that she was once a "goddess" chased by many people, but she was caught up in trifles after marriage and neglected to manage her image.
but his wife's good, he learned too late, and now there is only regret.
the feelings of husband and wife in marriage are accumulated bit by bit. The more unkind they are, the more they will regret.
A few days ago, I saw a data from a city in Anhui Province: nearly 60% of couples who want to divorce have backed out.
in fact, accumulated conflicts can get middle-aged couples out of control, but an impromptu divorce may not be correct.
just like the experience of netizens, when his wife has been giving, he turns a blind eye to it, and even uses divorce to get rid of his "unworthy" lover.
is it really worth it?
I think the answer was obvious at the moment he regretted it.
as the saying goes:
"affection, once used as a bargaining chip to measure value, has nothing to do with emotion, but a tool."
when marriage loses its sweet background, it is a consideration of human nature.
when you reach middle age, don't easily say that the show is over, let alone wait until you lose it.
people with non-independent personality are more miserable after divorce
in our lives, we see many divorce scenes like this:
people with palms up when they get married lose their way after divorce.
place your happiness on your lover, and in the end, not only lose yourself, but also ruin the marriage.
the person who once said "I support you" will end up so indifferent to you that he is full of dislike for you.
seems to enter the marriage, if you can not go to the white head, it will only make people black and blue.
people with non-independent personalities will also be more miserable after divorce.
this is the marriage story of Ruan Lingyu.
she fell in love with three men all her life, but none of them ended well.
after she married her first love Zhang Damin, although the other party was nice to her, they did not change their bad behavior as a "noble son".
Zhang Damin is fond of gambling, squandering all his possessions after marriage and asking her for it every time he is short of money.
when she was disappointed with the marriage, Tang Jishan, a business mogul who was in love, came into her life, and Ruan Lingyu was deeply in love.
she began to live together without telling Zhang Damin and Tang Jishan, but she didn't think that this short-term happiness was followed by great pain.
Zhang Damin took her to court, saying that she was unfaithful to her marriage and that she had no choice but to divorce, and since then her reputation has been tarnished. Tang Jishan did not come out to clarify, but instead found someone else and even used violence against her.
she pinned her happiness on others, but she didn't get what she wanted.
only when Cai Chusheng, the last "redeemer" in her life, left her, did she wake up:
people who cannot be independent in personality are not destined to be happy even if they are divorced.
some people say that Ruan Lingyu's life depends onWith the tragedy of men joining together.
indeed, if she had sobered up in time after the divorce, she might not have made the same mistake in her subsequent choices.
unhappy marriages are common, but there are not a few women who get out of their lives in time.
Why do some people live a wonderful life while others are not satisfied with their divorce?
I think that for those who get out of marriage, loving themselves is a necessary skill, and being loved is the icing on the cake.
as the saying goes:
"if you are a tree, it doesn't matter if you grow too slowly, because you don't have to rely on anyone to grow and look up to the sky.
"if you are a vine, even if the vine is thick and leafy, you must cling to a tree, because you can never live and stand alone."
after divorce, the attitude towards life determines the degree of happiness
someone has put forward a point of view from the perspective of psychology:
divorce doesn't mean you are a "useless and failed" person.
the author explains that when you experience the worst thing, you are no longer afraid of the unknown in your life.
this is the experience of actress Yan Ni.
Yan Ni suddenly became popular with the Swordsman, but few people knew that when she got the script, her husband asked her for divorce on the grounds that she was too busy at work, gathered less and left more, and her feelings became weaker.
Yan Ni wants to start a career, but her husband wants to live a normal life, and his values are different, and this marriage has come to an end.
some netizens feel sorry for this, but their living conditions after divorce are not bad. On the contrary, they become "relatives" and are happy respectively.
Yan Ni once admitted in the program that once she received a fraudulent phone call and was so scared that she didn't know what to do.
he immediately called her ex-husband for help, who not only calmed Yan Ni's mood, but also patiently solved the problem for her.
divorce is just the end of a marriage.
but who is happier and who suffers more after the event depends on the attitude we choose to face life.
like Yan Ni, she was once mired in the pain of divorce, but when she devoted all her time and energy to her work, her life also had a new direction.
nowadays, she is a well-known star, friends with her ex-husband and "sister" with her daughter.
the rest of my life is so wonderful that divorce has become a new life.
for middle-aged couples, divorce is not terrible, what is terrible is that we continue to live in the wrong way.
talented woman Zhang Youyi also experienced betrayal after marrying Xu Zhimo, but after her divorce, she did not forget to improve herself, learn German, study finance and economics, and finally find her value.
No one is disappointed in their loved ones when they get married, but the trivialities of life after marriage make people want to escape.
after all, divorce is to end an unhappy marriage.
the attitude towards life after divorce is the best way to get rid of pain.
I have seen such a sentence on the Internet:
"when two people are together, they look at feelings, and when they are apart, they see virtue."
whether it is marriage or divorce, adhering to principles is the greatest dignity of middle-aged couples.
there is no natural partner in life.
if two people can not go to the end, fulfill each other and be themselves, it is also a kind of perfection.
after the divorce of middle-aged couples, who suffers more?
on this question, I would like to end with a sentence from Tu Lei:
"A man's intelligence cannot be applied to his lover, because love is either win-lose or win-win."
, may you have independent capital and the courage to get out of your marriage, and be full of happiness for the rest of your life!